I know what I'm talking about, truly I do in A new start

Shortly before Christmas I messaged my husband’s ex wife asking for a picture of his kids. I wanted to do a calendar or something that included them. She took a while to respond and when she did all she said was not to message her again, ever, and called me trash. Yeah she’s bitter I’m with him. She has decided to be nicer to him these last few months which is good. I worried my messaging her would screw something up but fortunately no. I told him it’s like she is living in a world where I don’t exist. She is the one who left him after cheating on him so whatever. I didn’t take him from her. He may have liked me but I wouldn’t go there. He went to visit his boys on Christmas and when he got back he said that he can see what I’m saying. See that she’s living in a world where she is remarried but she wants him as a side thing. She wants him at her beck and call, which he is. Anything to see his boys. She uses them as a way to get him around. Some days I feel like… just get back together.

I have been working on my dog breeding. As in my female came into heat and they may or may not have bred. I didn’t see a for sure thing but I do sleep. She acts differently so maybe. She would be due in just about a month if it happened. Makes me excited. I want babies in my house again. They are so fun. I was messaged by a friend about a friend of hers using my dog as a stud and I agreed. Their female has been very difficult and the fact that they aren’t together that much doesn’t help. We will do one more try on Wednesday. I kinda wish I could find an easy female to breed him with so he can see it doesn’t have to be so much work. My oldest dog was an easy breeder. We have a vet appointment on Friday, hopefully they can tell one way or the other without a blood test or ultrasound. Maybe I need to do one of those things anyway. I dunno.

Our Christmas was ok. My kids were puking the day prior. Yeah that was fun. They were fine on Christmas though. Then on Friday we went out to dinner for my mom’s birthday. It was good. I’d go back. We did Cheesecake Factory. I had a chocolate cherry cheesecake. Yum! After that we just came home and he went to work. I spend a lot of time home alone. Not always fun.

Oh and I didn’t mention I quit my job. It just wasn’t my thing. I am made for fast paced moving not not. My last day was the Friday before Christmas. Now I worry about money a little but I wasn’t making that much. About a third of what I was making was going to gas anyway. I will apply at the cannery like 5 miles away come spring/summer. It is seasonal which is fine with me. I would need more if things go bad this year with the husband but we are doing well for now so not such a worry. Much closer, more hours and about the same pay. Oh and families can’t lie and say I’m not doing my job. Argh still have a bitter taste in my mouth from that. I may not need to work if our tax return amounts to anything. I look forward to visiting friends more. I look forward to working on me. This move was very much needed.

I would still love to move from here. Get out of the city. During the summer when I had a garden we had to pay nearly $80 for water. It stings. I want to live where I have a well. I wont have to pay for water then. Have more room for my dogs to run and bark. We have a nice sized yard really but I don’t let the dogs run much because they bark at anyone who walks by. The thing is I will be somewhat picky about where we move. I want to keep my kids in the school they are in so I don’t want to move too far away. If it is at least 1/2 an acre we might be there for forever so I need to like the place. If it’s less than 1/2 acre then we will live there for a few years and then sell it. I don’t know when we will be able to move though. Need to have money for a down. We could sell this place but with nowhere to move that wouldn’t work.

Fun stuff.

So I buy my husband gifts. I buy him stuff for his birthday and fathers day and Christmas. He doesn’t for me. This Christmas nothing. Last year he got me my sewing machine which I love. But nothing otherwise. No surprise gifts. No I love yous just because. No long passionate kisses, unless we are having sex. Yeah not my ideal marriage. I don’t care if you aren’t romantic show me you love me with physical actions sometimes. It bothers me slightly. Can I live with it, yes. I mean the man lets me quit work. But still.

I guess I shall head to bed. The dogs are already passed out, guess it’s my turn.