Narcissists and a concussion. in Since OD is shutting down....

OK so I’ll start with Wednesday. I slipped on ice and ended up with a concussion. I hit the back of my head and from there, ended up with a killer headache and nausea like I’ve never had before. I had to go to the ER and now I worry about workers comp because the hospital said I needed that information turned in within 3 days which it wasn’t. I had to fill out a second form at work and it’s to be turned in tomorrow but again, the holidays always have to fuck things up. I’m just concerned I’m going to end up with that bill. I’m trying not to stress about it but I guess we’ll see what happens.

My Mother tried to bring Christmas gifts the other day and I didn’t get to the door fast enough because I was getting my daughter ready to leave so she was going to drop them off at my work where I said not to embarrass me and to leave me the fuck alone. I text her the other day stating I had received a concussion and how I’m frustrated that I have no help here so she writes back reminding me that I had told her to leave me alone. Okay well where’s she been for the past few months before I said that?! She’s always too fucking busy to come around!! She said I was a selfish hag by not accepting her gifts and my child is suffering. Uh no, my child is suffering because no one has time for her but they want to bring gifts to make up for their absence?!

I feel that this is going to be an ongoing cycle with my family and her Dad. NO one can make any real effort to be in her life and it’s always my fault. I get sick of the constant excuses and cop-outs and then when I finally tell people to fuck off then I’m the bad guy. I can never do or say the right thing so I guess it’s just gonna be a consistent battle with people who never do wrong so I can’t win. I honestly don’t know what the answer is other than to just allow people to make effort every few months, even when all they want is conflict with me. My Mom didn’t even bother to ask me if I was alright or if I needed any help with my kid.

All I know is I’m very frustrated with all of this. I give my all to my daughter every day whether I’m sick, tired, stressed out, have things to do and I have to do it regardless of how I feel. I don’t have sick days or am I able to just check out. My daughter deserves way more than what any of these people have given her and I don’t feel it’s fair that she’s to settle for less. I think that my expectations are high because I’m there with my baby every fucking day and asking people to make more effort than once every few months to drop off gifts is apparently asking too much.

Anyways, I’m still wanting to move and plan to start looking for a new place. It’s just quite the task when rent here is super high, no one allows pets, and a lot of places don’t have certain things like AC or a washer and dryer. I’m ready for a change of scenery and I’m worried about my daughters Dad coming to hurt me. I don’t trust him at all and do worry that he’s capable of causing harm to me and my child. There’s just been so many red flags and he’s even told me he’s thought of doing something to my car. I’m always wondering if he’s going to cut my brake lines or put drugs in my car. I just don’t want him knowing where we live anymore. I just don’t feel safe.

I’m still pretty concerned about tax time which I plan to file just as soon as I have my W2 which I will be checking for online every day or I’m hoping that my work will give it to me very soon. The faster I can file, the better off I’m going to be. All I know is if he claims her on taxes, I will not let it go and I will do what I have to because my daughter and I are to receive that money. I worry that he will claim her purely out of spite and to get me to contact him so he can be nasty and mean. I know that he wouldn’t care if he took money away from us at all and I will not just let it go. I’m the one that’s made all of the sacrifices for her from day 1 and all he’s done is pay child support and acts like he’s God for it.

Anyways, today is my only day off and I have 6 days ahead of me. I missed Thursday night due to my concussion and I don’t know if worker’s comp is going to pay me for the hours I missed so I’m glad to be getting some extra hours. I’m just hoping it’s going to be a big drama for them to pay my hospital bill or I will come unglued. I’m still having terrible problems with my back, my head and my left hand is sore because I used it to try and break my fall.

Oh and so…there’s a guy that I met about 3 years ago that worked at the gas station by my work that I had hooked up with that ended up getting back with his girlfriend and then we just kinda quite talking. Well, he reached out to me the other day over Facebook and we started talking again. Come to find out, he’s locked up due to making some bad choices and wanted to get back in touch. We were talking for a few days when he had me post on Facebook that we were in a relationship. It made his girl mad and blah blah blah so I got rid of it. She sent me a message threatening me to which I blocked her. He said that basically he didn’t want his kid to grow up in a broken home and blah blah blah and I told him to do what made him happy. He kept saying how they weren’t together and she’d been talking to guys the whole time they’ve been together and since he’s been locked up but once he finds someone, she’s upset?! Wow okay but I just don’t talk to him anymore. I’ve had enough drama in the past couple of years that I REFUSE to engage in all that.

I didn’t want to be with him, but liked just having a friend. I had planned to go see him and all that but now since he’s pretty much back with his girlfriend, there’s no point in wasting my time. I don’t want to be with someone like that anyway. I do wish him the best and hope that him and his girl can get things figured out before trying to be in other relationships.

Anyways, my baby is awake now so I’m gonna hang out with her.