Feeling good. in Since OD is shutting down....

I have been waking up in a pretty decent mood everyday and I'm not sure if it's because of Jenn or just because I don't want to be this sad, depressed miserable person anymore. I've been that person for way too long and it's time to leave that shit behind and start living life to the fullest. I can't change what happened with my ex, with my old car or the crap that's gone on with my family so I need to start trying to have good days and not let that shit get me down anymore. I can't change the past but I'm ruining my future by being hung up on assholes. I need to let go of all my bad feelings towards all the bullshit so I can live a happy healthy life.

I have a class in a couple of hours so I'm just killing time until then. I'm excited that I will be getting my taxes soon. I plan to buy a nice tv (I still have tube tvs) and get contacts because I hate wearing glasses and I constantly worry about them breaking. It's just sad that I could have had these things awhile ago if I wouldn't have given my parents all that money but it's just a lesson learned and I need to keep in mind that I am my first priority and I need to make sure that I'm taken care of before I give out money, especially when there's a very good chance I won't get it back.

All I know is it's nicer outside than it's been in probably 2 weeks and that alone puts me in a better mood. I get so tired of looking at snow and being cold. All I know is that come hell or high water, I will have a winter coat next year. It's just sad that I made a ridiculous amount of money in such a short period of time and wasn't able to do anything with it because I was getting took by everyone around me.

I want to learn how to be happy and enjoy life instead of always being depressed or pissed about something. I guess it stems from my parents and how negative they are and how I can't talk to them without them bitching about money or how horrible their lives are. They aren't happy and they don't want anyone else to be either. I would dread their phone calls because they never had anything positive or good to say and I could tell they wanted to bring me down because they like when people feel sorry for them.

Jenn says that I need to get melatonin or unisom because taking Tylenol PM is not good for my kidneys. I honestly never read the warning label and just assumed it was safe since it's non habit forming but I've noticed that every once in a while my kidneys will hurt so I plan to stop taking it and get into something that's better for me. I really wish I didn't have to take the stuff but if I don't, I will lay in bed wide awake all night and I just can't afford to lose sleep. It's just horrible that I can't fall asleep on my own or stay asleep. I know that I need to reevaluate things in my life and figure out exactly what's wrong so that I can start being more relaxed at bedtime.