Dads funeral, moms adopted family,building new life in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

Before my dads death on the 9th of December I visited dad and we had a conversation. He told me he made several mistakes he grew to regret in his life. He regret kicking me and my brother out. 10 years ago Tom left never to speak to my father again. When I left I at first stayed distanced but within months i told my dad i needed my family that i didnt care why i left all i cared about was being there for him and mom. It was a rocky relationship with him but i do not regret going back to ask for friendship. I wish i did it sooner.

He told me in case he dies he wanted me to try to put my family back together. He said mom shouldnt grieve herself to death alone. When he died she called me crying. Talan and i rushed to her side. She cried she didnt want to be alone. They were married 47 years. I told her as soon as i find a way i will move home to be with her. Since dads death on Sunday i have been living at her house. I miss my husband and my cats. He feels so hopeless and scared for us. He told mom he loves us and will do anything for us

I knew not many people would visit i knew we would need pall bearers. My best friend Amanda visited and my other Best friend Tella and her family Kevin, Justin,Ryan and Michael came by. Kevin, Justin, and Michael carried my dads coffin with the help of my husband and brother. I noticed Michael beside the minister he whispered to the Minister suddently Michael sang the most beautiful song as a memorial to my father. I fell apart crying holding my mom.

Mom tried to convince Tom come home and live there that she needed him more than ever. He told mom dad hurt him to bad he refuses to be family. Mom cried begging Tom to be there. When Tom walked off I told my best friends what he did.. I told them mom just wanted the family so they did what they do best each one of my best friends walked up introduced theirselves and told her she doesnt have just 1 son but an army of men who adopted her as mom. Mom took hugs from Kevin, Michael, Justin, Ryan my best friends Tella and Amanda introduced themself as moms unofficial adopted children. Ryan who is Tella’s 7 year old son said he always wanted an extra grandma. I told her Tom might not be around but we all love you and have every intention of caring for her! We all circled her hugging her as she cried. I told her not all family is blood my best friends will take care of her. Mom cried. I cant make Tom come back but i can circle her with all the love of my best friends!

I was given a free mobile home to move to dads. I got it in the hope tom would move back to his old apartment. After he refused to live there i felt angry and foolish. I decided to get a mobile home that needs repairs to challenge myself to learn the skills dad used to build the apartment in the back and fix the mobile home. I honestly bought the mobile home so i wont have a constant painful memory of the old apartment and the sad memories that came with it. Mom said she is unsure what we will be going with the apartment. She said she might fix it make it storage till she finds a worthy renter!

I wont be getting the mobile home till January we must prepare a path across the back part of our property for it. I hope it installs easy enough.

The moment dad passed away my husband Talan knew no questions i am moving back to care for my mom. Talan asked if we could use Dads garage to do projects mom begged me and Talan not to let dads tools rust to please put the tools back when we are done. Mom said it would be a great honor if we would use dad tools. The sound of the garage beinv used comforts her. My dad was known to always be doing projects.

At the funeral i was outside smoking which i only do when stressed. I was accused of starting a fight by my mother. I asked her with who. I asked Tom what the right was about he said he has no idea who even said that. My Aunts kept scolding me about things and i sat confused. I didnt do anything yet.. If i am accused maybe i should live up to expectations.

Amanda acted all dramatic boo hooing how her ex husband beat her years ago getting Kevin riled up. I told her my dad is laying in this coffin you can skip the damn dramatics till this was over or leave. She excused herself said she loved me appologized for overstepping her boundaries. She knew i couldnt handle anymore emotionally. I told her it her choice whether to leave or not but we need her without the drama more than ever.

My aunt Jan cooked the family a beautiful dinner. I wanted to hold my cousins 2 month old son. I told Carolyn i have MRSA spot on my chin bandaged i would love to hold him but i will not risk his health.

The crisis center called to check on me because after dad died i talked to them about debating suicide. I sat in the stairway crying trying stop rest of dads side of family hear the details. I struggle all the time for 1 happy moment! My cousin Carolyn asked me to play Monopoly with her i cried so hard she cancelled the game.

I promised dad i would fix the family i feel guilty because i think i will need to break my promise.

I keep telling myself quit being a worrier be a warrior. I keep trying to accomplish impossible feats to improve me mom and Talan lives.. We deserve happiness we deserve peace!