Suicidal, funeral planning, dog ran away in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

I stayed up all night. While mom was sleeping i text the suicide and crisis hotline. I talked to them about dad dying yesterday. I talked to them about how much i miss dad how lost i feel. How much i feared mom would commit suicide if i leave her house. I made amends with dad before he passed away and how guilty i worked so much that i didnt visit him often. I felt bad for not helping him fix the vehicles and help repair their house.

I slept 2 hours all night. I hugged a toy rabbit like a small child i cried begging my dad back. I of course did not recieve him . i cried till morning. Mom took me to doctor for them to confirm i have mrsa on my chin. I was given 2 shots for antibiotics and i got a creme to dry the mrsa up. Within matter of hours the mrsa spot went dry but itchy! I will of course be wearing a bandaid at dads funeral over my spot.

Dad told me have her check in wall in the safe he wrote mom a letter for when he died. In the letter he said he loved mom thanked her for giving him beautiful children. He also gave her over $8,800 cash and close to $1,000 in coin rolls he earned all this money selling scrap, doing repairs on houses and peoples cars. I cried in hysterics holding mom while she thanked God and dad for helping her out. I really wish dad showed his kindness in life.

I help mom find the money he hid. My brother Tom and i searched the house till we found the keys to dads lock box more money to help her get by. I kept really hoping not for cash from my father but one letter just saying he loved me.. That would be worth more than gold!

Today Tom, me mom aunt Janet and Desiree took turns helping mom pick a casket, prepare obituary for the paper, help her pick poem for dad’s card they pass out at his funeral. We have to go out tomorrow help pick funeral plot, bring dads clothes, tonight i have to fill out more personal obituary for online.

I talked my boss today about dad dying that i need time to prepare. He wanted me to work Wednesday i requested time off until i bury dad. I bury dad thursday. I might struggle to get by for a while financially but my mom needs me.

Talan isnt comfortable with everyone crying dealing with the planning instead he said he will stay home till funeral focus my attention on mom.

My dads dog ran away today looking for dad after taking a moment to pee he bolted. We got in truck went after Bear by time we looped block Bear was sitting in his outside kennel wimpering. Bear doesnt understand death. He doesnt understand why dad isnt coming home. Both me and mom cried as we brought him in the house.

Tom hid because Bear been growling at him. Earlier today Bear ran up threatened to bite Tom. We have to maneuver them around each other for Toms safety. Only thing saved Tom from getting bit was me sounding like dad demanding him to stop. Sad thing is i been teaching everyone words to say so Bear will behave.

The funeral will be Thursday. I am not ready to let dad go..this is unfair!