Today my dad died.. I am lost in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

My dad died today. He died of a heart attack. Mom called me to tell me i needed to come see him. The roads were so bad took me an hour to get to the hospital. I stood there while the family visited trying to hold it together when my aunts consoled my mom i waiting for them to take her to eat. Talan watched me fall to pieces crying. I held dads cold hand and hugged his cold body and cried. Begging him for forgiveness for not being there more. For a time in my life i was disowned because dad didnt approve the man i was dating. I walked in over a two years ago told him like or not i am family. I am going nowhere lets fix this! Our friendship improved and i loved my father very quickly. Now here i am sitting in his house crying wishing he would come home. Much like Bear his dog i am sitting at the door staring wishing he walk in and say he is just kidding. I am spending the night with mom planning his funeral in the morning. I cant believe he is gone. I wish my mom would quit crying i need to fix this but cant.