home. and sexuality. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

yeah so last week. my mom and Jessica and I visited a host home. where we met Rhonda the placement coordinator and Kristen i'm not sure what she does.

anyway. so we were talking about home. prior to this topic being brought up I said my parents' hasnever been home. [whichiswhyI never refer to it as such].soat one point either Rhonda or the host home lady asked me if i'd go home on the weekends. um. ok and again. my parents place has. never.been.home. what part of that do you not understand? well evidently none of that's understood. [oh. I meant when I move into a host home would I go to my parents' on the weekends. is what they meant].

or when people ask, like if i'm out w/ a friend "are you going home after this?". well. i'm going to my place of residence yes. but i'm not............i'm not. you know going home.

and other than Jessica and my mom, they don't know about the abuse. and they don't need to. [and yet my mom tells them about what happened back in may though she doesn't detail it. oh good now everyone she's told has misinterpreted it and not asked me what actually happened! and no I won't tell them. it's not their business and honestly the less said the better. the less people told the better]. I realise that yes if they understood it'd be easier but. it's something I've only just started coming to terms w/. so.

and Kristen said "well mom and dad's can be home too"to which I replied "for some people". I wasn't rude or anything. it's true.

the only solution to this is to keep repeating myself and tell them my parents' has never been home until they get it.

[btw for those reading please don't ever refer to my parents' as home when noting. as it never has been. thank you].

ok so. after that somehow the topic of relationships is brought up. the host home lady asks in a v. vague roundabout way - I honestly don't remember what she said - and I didn't understand what she meant and then Kristen went "she means. do you have a boyfriend?" to which I reply "i'm not seeing anyone". since to me that's acknowledging that not everyone is straight. [btw no i'm not. seeing anyone A and 2: i'm on both sides. only Jessica knows this].

I don't think my mom would care if she knew. but I feel like it'd be a shock to her. like ok if my sister told me she was a lesbian it'd be a bigger shock to me then if my good friend Susie came and told me simply bc she's my sister.

which is why I won't be telling my mom.

it's more news than anything. so yeah that happened.