trust. or lack thereof. ok trust issues. and sad. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

yeah so I was thinking about this recently. I have trust issues.

1: bc of my ptsd.

2: bc of my sister breaking my confidentiality

3: bc of my dad/ Lindsey

ok so. #3. back when I was living at my place I couldn't leave my dad alone there whenever he came by to fix something bc whenever he did he did more than that. like he'd pick things up off the floor. yeah that's not what he's there to do. so bc of this I couldn't trust him not to do that. and yes I know why he does that. it's not nice it's annoying. it makes me feel like i'm 5. and no I won't talk to him about it. end of discussion.

so now whenever he's fixing like. the tv in my room at my mom's same thing.

ok so Lindsey. back when I was on FOD she had a blog there too. so I think bc she offered advice or w/e I was always 1 step ahead and that's why i'd put things like 'no advice' or 'and no I won't do that'. and so from that I thought others would do the same thing.

anyway. my point here is I shouldn't have to do that. [well ok I don't actually have to]. I should be able to trust people. and yeah it makes me a bit sad. [well i'm also not patient and not a good listener which is part of it too. oh and i'm a pessimist].

so. I just thought 'well what if I didn't do that?'. er by which I mean put 'no advice'. well then i'd leave myself open to getting advice which would annoy the hell out of me [well sure if I think like that].