New Things in Inside My Head

I have finally changed jobs. My new job isn’t perfect but it is significantly better. The physicians I work with are kind, I have a large degree of autonomy, I have Thursdays off. I have to work every third Sunday and have to take after hours phone calls 1 week every other month, but it’s manageable. I don’t dread going to work every day. Best part is I’m 7 miles from the house and 4 miles from the boys’ school. Sam was sick recently and I was able to pick him up, hang out in my office while I saw patients, and have Mike pick him a few hours later. The office manager and attendings knew he was there and had no issues with it. It’s a huge burden that has been lifted.

Speaking of the kids, Sam is almost 4 and Noah is almost 2. I want another baby so badly. Mike is on board with it, but I’m 36 and he’s 38. We’ve been trying for months. I’m not optimistic. We had so many issues conceiving in the past and going back to the infertility specialist is not an option. With 2 daycare payments the finances just aren’t there. I work with primarily Hassidic Jews and these super size families make me so envious. I would’ve loved 4-5 kids, but with infertility issues we were hoping for 3. I am incredibly thankful for my 2 boys but I would’ve loved a bigger family.

I’m seeing a psychiatrist now which has made a world of difference. I’m on medication now which is immensely helpful. Another reason I want a third is because I feel like I missed so much of Noah’s first year due to untreated depression. He is a running, jumping, intelligent, incredibly mischievous little boy who is very affectionate with me. Luckily he seems no worse for wear. I am doing everything I can to make up for lost time. Still a third would be nice.