Reality Check Please in Current Events

I have a history of sleep paralysis and the worst part of every experience is when I become aware that I am dreaming. I am conscious inside a nightmare and the attacks become real experiences for me. I had a rough start this morning because I binge watch Netflix until midnight now. I value having time to myself when I drink my morning coffee so waking up at ungodly hours suits me just fine. The reason I’m up so early is because I have a three year old niece that I take care of. Her parents are off to work at 6am and I get her sorted and then I drop her off at daycare. We all live together so that they can all work full time jobs. Teamwork makes the dream work.
This morning after my first couple sips of coffee I decided to lay down for a quick moment on the couch to rest my eyes. I was so very exhausted. Then it started to happen. The sleep paralysis. I keep leaving my body trying to get off that couch but I always wake up right where I started. I make it further into the house each time and I know that I sound crazy but this time I actually went crazy. My niece opened her door and that woke me up in real life… or did it? I know it did but for a good hour I was doubting my reality. It was broken, I felt like some of me was still in that nightmare and that some of that nightmare was out here with me. I dropped my niece off later than usual because I needed to get a grip. “Is this real life? Is this forever?”
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I am not sure if it is because I’ve suddenly discovered Rupaul’s drag race or if I am actually this petty a person again but I couldn’t even with my friend Mel yesterday. She was the one who started the whole situation with me reporting my Operations Manager’s marital affair with his assistant . I tried calling her yesterday to see how she felt about the outcome. She ignored it and said that she was busy. Then asked why did you call? Fucking millennials. I explained to her via text that I wanted to know how she felt about the outcome of that situation and that I wanted to talk about how I felt about it. I tried calling so that we could have that conversation in real time. She responded exactly how I knew she was going to respond. I don’t know why I bothered. It is very hard for her when things are not about her. She went on a big tangent about not wanting to talk about it. She can’t afford to give it any thought because she needs to focus on her self care. She is so close to turning off her phone and disappearing. She is, as always, going through a lot right now and I need to respect that.
Bitch I am the queen of disappearing so I blocked her on my phone. That is the only access to me these days as I quit social media. Her borderline personality disorder ways were too much for me anyway. She’s watched me leave peoples lives without looking back so once she figures out that I am no longer that positive and supportive energy in her life she is just going to have to fuck herself. She will get to be a victim another situation yet again so that will be my gift to her. Life is hard when you’re knee deep in bad decisions that you didn’t make.