Curse you, Neil Diamond. in Life as I know it...

My thoughts have started to turn to the slowly, but surely approaching Valentine's Day. A big part of me wants to message Caroline and tell her how much I wish that she was here so that I could spoil her and treat her to my heart's content, but I don't know if I should. It's been just over a month now that I heard she wouldn't be coming back to Cape Town and that she was too afraid to do the long distance thing. It seems so long ago. I've forgotten her fragrance, the sound of her voice and the touch of her lips on mine. I'm very impressed with how I've been keeping myself together thus far. I have had some rocky days and nights where the tears just wouldn't stop flowing and my thoughts still wander her way at least a couple of times a day. I was just watching a Varsity Cup Rugby match (which is difficult enough for me considering that it was being played in Stellenbosch) and during the TMO break they started playing "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond. Hooray! I took a video on my phone once when it came on the radio as she and I were in the car. We were dancing and singing together like fools. Needless to say, I deleted anything and everything that I had on my phone or laptop involving her.

Today was yet another day in limbo. Interchangeable with most days these last 2 weeks. Woke up, ate, trained and showered, followed by thinking of a way to distract myself today. God, it seems like forever until I start working again. Just learned that the specific path I hiked up yesterday morning is quite sketchy and where a guy fell to his death last year. Thank God I didn't go all the way up! The rest of the day was spent reading, watching anime, thinking, breathing and blinking. My obsession about constantly looking in the mirror has started creeping back up, I need to deal with this. At least I can notice all these small red flags coming up and try to put an end to them before they escalate.

Sorry, I am feeling particularly uninspired today and I'm not ready to continue with part 3 of the "Familiar Place" saga yet. As I mentioned, the rough parts are coming up and I don't particularly want to face them right now while I am already feeling a bit fragile.

My medication is almost finished, I have to go to the pharmacy to collect all my new goodies for the month tomorrow. I always love watching the pharmacists' expressions when they look at the script. Haha, I wonder what they think of me when they see the list of stuff that I am on. They always have to fetch a bigger brown paper bag to put everything in, it's quite entertaining actually. There was a time where I despised the thought that I was going to be on medication for the rest of my life, but I've come to terms with it now. I have an amazing psychiatrist whom I've been seeing or just over 2 years now and the current medications and dosages seem to be working better than any other combinations have before. If the medication keeps helping me like it does now, I have no problem with being a lifer. The side-effects are shit, but they are bearable. Anywho, thank you for reading.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Adriaan.