Good morning, all in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Good morning. So much in my head and… I’m not likely to write it all down.
A motion to continue for today got denied, so I’m going to have to dismiss the case. Personally, I don’t much care but I always worry how this is going to look in the paper. Bloody politics. Don’t get me wrong, if I was a Deputy Mayor or something… I’d get a huge high out of the manipulations, distortions, spin, and gamesmanship of dealing with The Press. But I’m not. I’m a prosecutor. I’m in a job where sometimes the difference between a Serial Rapist getting free or going to jail is whether a jurist likes my tie. So… I’m much less thrilled about The Press in this role than I would be in a more “purely government” role.


I have this idea… this theory or vision or whatever you want to call it. This notion that once the car matter is dealt with, once we’re finally moved into the house and settled, once all of that is taken care of… I’ll have more energy and focus for the job. There is, of course, no evidence that such a thing is true. Not that I’m terribly frightened of that. I’m not exactly shit at my job but there is certainly much more I could be doing to become great at my job. And I suppose with that framing, being “settled” would help there. Instead of all sorts of added extra driving with no real permanent place and all of my belongings and my whole life separated into no less than 3 different cities… it makes sense that I feel like “When I’m more settled, I can be better.” Plus, after the Midterm Elections, County Attorney will actually be Official County Attorney and not just Interim County Attorney… so that should make everything feel a bit more solid. Okay… I’m convinced. It isn’t a silly self-lie. Thinking I might be able to get better at this job after things settle down is now starting to sound like a rational concept and a real possibility.

Well… I just read a fairly dramatic and unfortunate BBC Article.

Vermont is one of the whitest states in the country. So white that their first and only black female representative in congress had to quit because she was receiving too many death threats. In 2018. Someone that was ELECTED to a position being forced to leave due to death threats. That isn’t democracy, that is terrorism. That is Vermont.

Vermont politics is a fiery subject this year. In April, the Republican Governor signed several gun-rights bills that his Republican Constituency says, “Makes him a traitor to the cause!” You see… after the Vermont Police were informed of a planned school shooting, the 13 page affidavit used for warrant, arrest, and charging disturbed the hell out of the Governor. In it, the 18 year old defendant describes his plan to “get the record” for school shootings and discusses his celebration over Parkland calling it “Natural Selection taken up a notch!” He had a long list of students he was planning to kill in an effort to break the record of 32 kills for one mass shooting. In his car, was found his Killer’s Diary, shotgun, shells, gas mask, and schematics to carry out his plan. The Governor was very disturbed by how close his small state had come to something truly tragic. So, he signed bills to make sure it would be harder for a mentally ill 18 year old to get guns. He moved the Gun Purchase Age to 21 (though, if you take a Hunter’s Safety Class, you can still buy at 18). He required background checks for Private Sale (Gun Show) purchases. And he banned bump stocks, which are a loophole to pre-existing federal law prohibiting Civilians from owning fully automatic weapons.

However, Vermont GOP have completely turned on him. They view him as a liberal in disguise, someone playing politics with the laws of the United States. They now actually hate him for what he did. BUT here’s the really terrifying thing: When asked what they think about the Governor’s motivation? When asked, point blank, what they think about the Governor doing it in response to a potential mass shooting? Here’s the answer one of the lead GOP 2nd Amendment Speakers said:
He (the student) committed no crime.
That’s the answer. Planning a school shooting and having the apparent ability and desire to carry it out, the GOP Man said, is not criminal. In fact, he went on to say “The kid had a shotgun in his car and some shells. Hell, if that’s a crime, I’m guilty of it right now.”

So… there we have it, ladies and gentlemen. WHY does 2nd Amendment Gun Rights Issue Discussion seem so impossible? Because the passionate hyperbolic mouthpieces don’t deal in reality. PRO-Gun are sitting here saying, “Planning to kill more than 32 people isn’t a crime!” ANTI-Gun are sitting here saying, “Owning a gun of any kind is unnecessary in a civilized society!” Meanwhile… most Americans are thinking, “Common Sense Reasonable Gun Laws would be nice. Wonder if that’s ever gonna happen. Probably not.”

And that, my friends, is the heart of why America is in trouble. But it is also the heart of why we need to get voting numbers up! Think of it like Herd Immunity. Yeah, maybe your ONE vote or ONE vaccine doesn’t impact the larger picture. But if everyone thought “Nah, doesn’t make a difference” then Smallpox is going to wipe us out! Same deal with voting. Why has America become such a divided land filled with crazies? Because if only the passionate extremists vote; the government need ONLY appeal to the passionate extremists. If we change the voting rolls so that 60, 70, 80 percent of eligible voters are going to the polls and doing so consistently… then the Government CAN’T ignore us. Because instead of appealing to the Psychos, we’re telling them that they have to answer TO US. Right now, the Democrats think they need only answer to the “Abortions 4 All, No Guns Ever” extremists. Right now, the Republicans think they need only answer to the “Trumpist, Tax Cuts, Anti-Progress” extremists.

The only way to take our country back is to remind both parties that we’re not apathetic. We’re not checked out. We’re not apolitical. We have a voice, we have concerns, and they had better start listening. And this is important. SUPER important… because the Trumpists are controlling the GOP. Current Cato Polling shows that at no time in Trump’s presidency has his GOP-specific Approval Rating dropped below 80%. So think about that. The GOP at large… the GOP citizens of the United States… 80% of them love this guy. So if we let the passionate people and the passionate people only vote? Expect more and worse Trumpism. Because, at least in Iowa, the Gerrymandering fucked the pooch hard. If every GOP registered voter votes and every Democrat registered voter votes and there is no voting for the “other guy”… Republicans win every race due to districting. So… we need to fix this shit.

Here’s a topic this Diary has routinely tried to beat like a dead horse!

Toxic Masculinity and the Societal Expectations of “Manhood”

I have tried VERY hard to overcome Toxic Masculinity and the Expectations the world puts on Men in my life. I have. I believe in enthusiastic consent, I fight for a man’s right to express himself emotionally, I argue with people who oppose men in ‘girl’ roles like Stay At Home Parent or Nurse or Dancer. I have long intentionally pushed back as hard as I could. One of the first big College Social Justice Awareness groups I was involved in was discussing how our society views Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dwayne Johnson as MEN, real true examples of MEN. But we don’t consider the same of Fred Rogers. He’s a man. He is an example of a man. And while we say he was a wonderful person, while we say he was a great man… we never say “Now THAT is a man!!” Because the “male affirmation” piece is all about muscle, and action, and toughness. We don’t see “emotionally sensitive” or “Mr. Rogers” as the male ideal. That was the first big SJW thing I ever went to. The next? “Take Back the Night” and “Students Working Against Violence.”

So… yeah, this is a topic I’m passionate about. You know what else I’m passionate about? Movies and TV. Now go back through the movies and television shows which were popular between 1984 and 2002 (birth to graduation from High School).

The beloved film Ghostbusters treats the female character like a sexual joke and punishes her for her existence. She rejects the Moranis character, she rejects the Murray character. The Murray character brought tranquilizers to their date and through the movie? After rejecting the men in her life wanting to just live her life… she is possessed (her autonomy is taken away) then throws herself at Murray’s character and has sex with Moranis’ character.

ANY John Hughes film (16 Candles, Breakfast Club, etc)… I mean, shit. People love the Breakfast Club and the Molly Ringwald character is harassed, sexually assaulted, and abused… but decides to DATE THE BOY THAT DID THAT TO HER by the end of the film.

And entire Criminal Psychology Textbooks could be written about Revenge of the Nerds… and I loved that movie!! But it involves home invasion, revenge porn, illegal surveillance, rape by deception, rape by intoxication by drug or alcohol… it is… HORRIBLE to the female characters!!! Much like one of my Father’s favorite College Movies: Animal House!

But take that through line out of “Movies targeting teens and adults.” Let’s look at some of the movies and shows targeting children.

The Sandlot. I don’t care if you think it is cute or funny or whatever. But “stealing a kiss” the way in which Squints did is unequivocally sexual assault. And he’s practically worshiped for the stunt by his friends; not to mention that they specifically mention that it seems like the Lifeguard sort of playfully, flirtatiously likes Squints for doing that. LESSON: If you like a girl and want her to like you back and want to impress your friends… kiss her against her will and if she starts to struggle, just kiss harder.

Hocus Pocus. Yeah, I’m going there. This is a fantastic movie and an amazing Halloween film for kids. Written by David Kirschner; it has a wonderful cast including a non-speaking role (in it’s way) for a young Sean Murray (of NCIS), it has Thora Birch, Doug Jones, Penny Marshall, Gary Marshall, Tobias Jelinek (first role), Vinessa Shaw, and of course great performances by Kathy Najimy, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Bette Midler. It is a Disney Family Classic.
But watch it again. Note how often they play up the Max is a Virgin joke. Even Max’s little sister mocks him for being 16 and a virgin. So… even in this family classic- the message is “Men aren’t virgins, little boys are virgins. And you should be ashamed of being a virgin.”

And my absolute favorite television show growing up? Saved by the Bell. Have you thought about that show? The strong feminist character is seen as somewhat abusive and is “fine” putting up with Chauvinism if it is coming from her handsome Mario Lopez Slater. Lisa is routinely stalked, harassed, and sexually assaulted by Screech and it is played for laughs and it is made to seem like “Oh, Lisa, just give him a chance.” And don’t even get me started on the negative messages to young men that Zack Morris sends!!

How many films have become BELOVED but fail the Bechdel test so hard as to be painful?

So… that is something WORTH considering. That even if/when someone is trying their absolute hardest to push back against Toxic Masculinity… even if/when someone is trying really hard to be An Ally… our culture is literally overwhelmingly complicating the messages to Males in this world (females, too, but I don’t have that voice so I won’t speak for them).

I mention that because… I want it understood, I guess. Yeah… I may have said in the past, I may say TODAY, I may say in the future… things that make me seem like King Prince Asshat of Toxic Masculinity! But consider the source. I’m not out there encouraging rape and I’m trying harder ever day… but if I say something that seems like I’m objectifying women and treating a woman as “not a person” or something? It isn’t that I’m a barbaric, neanderthal hoping to push the Women’s Rights Movement back to the 1950s. It is just that I am in many ways a product of my upbringing. And my upbringing was “Bang chicks, be ashamed of your emotions and sensitivity, respecting women means you’re gay, and if you don’t run with the tough boys you’re a loser.” Well… I made those choices. I didn’t bang chicks, I was emotional and sensitive (and made to feel shame for it), I was routinely called a homosexual throughout high school, and I was very much treated like a loser. BUT EVEN STILL… the pop culture and societal issues seep in. EVEN STILL… I can tell.

For example… a friend on Facebook posted “Vacation Weather Is BEST!” and a photo of them in Short Shorts. I’m a leg guy. Like… addictive, obsessive, triggering… leg guy. But instead of “pant pant, legs, pant pant” I, instead, thought “I would love to see Wife in short shorts. Too bad she’s been super descriptive with me that she’ll never wear anything to expose her legs. No skirts, no short shorts. Fucking… damned waste.”

And that is something that lives in me. Hard. This desire, this expectation that she is my wife, she should care about what I like, she should give me that at least every once in a while. But should she? Isn’t she allowed to have her own aesthetic? Isn’t she allowed to say, “I will never wear X, Y, Z” and since it is her body and her clothes… shouldn’t I be supportive of that? Instead of feeling like “it is a problem” and that it shows “she doesn’t care”? What part of romance or marriage requires each person to “dress for the other?” Or does that come from a deeply subtly embedded place of toxicity that says, “Woman is here for your pleasure, by denying it to you she isn’t fulfilling her role”?

It certainly isn’t helped any that Aku and Aoife were willing to fill that role. I mean, Aku was a manipulative, toxic, abusive bitch… so of course she would wear things “just for me” as a form of manipulation. But still. These are things that float in my head probably too often.

This entry has gone on for… quite some time. I should finish it and just post it.

Court this morning should take a single hour. Then… cleaning and planning. LEAVE notes, y’all :)