Advice pregnancy and hyperthyroidism. in 2018

It’ll be a blessing when I don’t have to go to the hospital or see a doctor for one solid week. I feel like I basically live there at this point, with all the blood work, ultrasounds, doctors appointments, follow ups for all of those things…

I keep having to convince myself that this is OK. It’s not like I have cancer, or at least I don’t know if I do right now, but they haven’t found any masses or anything on my thyroid indicate that there something malicious going on. It’s just hyper thyroidism. I got 100% diagnosed on Friday, October 12. With this diagnosis, they also have to figure out whether or not I have Graves’ disease… And if I don’t, then they’re going to dig a little deeper to try to figure out why my pituitary gland isn’t doing what it supposed to be doing.

My kids are healthy, my husbands healthy. I should be happy. My life has a funny way of putting things into perspective for me when I do start feeling overwhelmed by something like this. So what I’m saying is I don’t want to test the universe by saying shit like I have it so bad, and crying about it… Because when I do that, something worse always happens, and I learn fast.

But at the same time I just A minute to whine and cry about all the shit going on with me… I want to have a breakdown… I wanna scream… I’m fucking terrified. No one in my life will ever know how I’m feeling, because I never show it. I don’t know what my problem is. But I’ve never been the type to express my feelings… Well are used to back in the day, back in high school… But then everybody would call me crazy. I’ve written about this before. So now I’m basically broken and I’m afraid to show any sort of emotion whatsoever whether it be fear anxiety stress anger happiness I just bottle it all up inside.

My TSH levels are 0.0002 or something like that, like basically nonexistent. They’re supposed to be anywhere between 0.4 and 4. These levels I guess come from the pituitary gland, which they like to call the gas pedal… Since it’s not working properly my thyroid is just doing whatever the fuck it wants, and apparently that means overproducing every hormone. Which explains the tiredness, like I’m talking chronic fatigue, mood swings, irritability, nervousness, anxiety, depression, weakness, high heart rate…

This literally explains everything that has been going on with me in the past year or so, I wish I knew when everything changed. I know it’s been about a year maybe even a little less. I would bet that I’ve had thyroid issues for at least six years though. Maybe nothing crazy, maybe nothing at these high levels that I’m experiencing, but I do wholeheartedly believe I’ve had these problems for a while.

The worst part about all of this is that we are buying a bigger house because he wanted to expand our family. I’m ovulating today and tomorrow. We decided that this would be the month that we try. My husband will be 35, and I’ll be 32. Our goal was to have a completed family by 30, But that never worked out because of the housing situation, our house isn’t big enough for one more kid. My grandma passed away in July, and we are buying her house. We’ve been so excited to start trying to have a baby. My whole family’s been excited for us. Having a tiny little life in that home would make everyone so happy.

Tonight was the night, but now everything has changed. I didn’t realize how sad I would be if I was told that I couldn’t try right now. These beta blockers that I’m on, or will be on, you’re not supposed to try to get pregnant or be pregnant while on them. My heart is breaking, because I know by the time I have this thyroid thing sorted out, I will be too old for more children. And yes I realize that there are plenty of women out there who have children well over the age of 35, but I didn’t want to be one of them. And from what I’ve read, it is extremely difficult to get pregnant with a thyroid problem, massive risk of miscarriage… Or early birth.

Honestly, I just want to try once tonight. If I get pregnant I get pregnant if not then it wasn’t meant to be I guess. And then I can start with all the treatments. As low as my levels are for TSH, and how high functioning my thyroid is, my blood pressure still remains very low, so they have no fear that I’ll have a stroke or anything crazy like that. Anybody else have experience with pregnancy and hyperthyroidism? I don’t know what to do.

Kristen <3