As Expected in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

As should probably be expected… I’ve pushed myself very hard the last two days at the job and my body is very upset. But I am being forceful and demanding we finish tough. We have today and tomorrow left then we can melt for a second or two. Of course… pushing myself so hard kind of fries my brain a bit as well; but I have to push on through. Which now means I should listen to “No Woman No Cry” lol. My day is scheduled for me as follows:

Step One: Prepare for TODAY’s hearings
Step Two: File Charges on Indictable Cases in… wow, ZERO cases. I guess that is what happens when 25% of our staff are gone.
Step Three: File Registration for Fall Conference, made even better this year as I actually personally know many of the Attorneys presenting!
Step Four: Twelve Hearings in Magistrate Court for everything from Driving Under Suspension to Trespass to Domestic Abuse.
Step Five: Try to remember to grab lunch of some kind
Step Six: Clean my desk a little; in my flurry to stay on top of everything else, the clutter has started to win the battle for desk space
Step Seven: MASSIVE JURY PREP!!

Of course… all of that is likely to be intermittently interrupted by various phone calls and e-mails! But in the brief moment I have to collect myself a bit… a survey, just because it can be semi-mindless and sometimes a bit zen-like.

Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yes. Though it is a funny thing. I was in a car accident when I was a child. My brother was driving and got hit by a car turning left into the back driver’s section of the old Station Wagon. I was in a ‘car accident’ while preparing for my wedding when I backed out of a parking spot at the same time as the person behind me was backing out of their spot. The other driver absolutely lost her shit and both insurance companies were happy to deal with me as I was open about “Yes, I backed my car into her car. At the same time, she backed her car into mine. I don’t see what she hopes to gain by harassing either insurance companies.” But the irony is… the only car accident that ever totaled my vehicle? I wasn’t in the car when it happened. Dude smashed my parked car. So… I wasn’t “in” that car accident but it is the only one that necessitated a new vehicle.

Do you have a lot of scars?
Actually, almost none. Which is ridiculous considering the number of surgeries and injuries I had. I pretend it is a sick curse meant to forever keep me in “invisible disability” status, lol.

Do you consider yourself beautiful?
Not at all. I once considered myself “pretty… for a boy” but the addition of 110 pounds has me looking more and more like my father these days!

Do you put on a lot of make-up?
No. Especially not as much as I used to. Though, if/when I do get back to “looking like myself again”… I wonder if I might be able to get away with a bit of guy-liner again

What do you think makes a person beautiful?
So… loaded question. Because this specifically states beautiful and not attractive. Beautiful, to me, is more of the “artistic assessment” as opposed to “what makes a person attractive” which can involve analysis of personality and behavior. A person is beautiful by (1) hair style appropriate to their face… while it would be easy to say ‘dark hair flowing down the back’ or some bullshirt like that… the truth is each face looks different and some women absolutely forking OWN a pixie cut; (2) well made up face… while I love seeing women without makeup, the artistic element of beauty suggests a well made up woman (a woman who uses just enough of just the right makeup) is something I find more “beauty”; (3) Teeth. Seriously, maybe I’m an asshat but teeth matter to me. They don’t have to be Ortho-Perfect Straight and they shouldn’t be KKK Rally White but… a bad mouth disturbs the hell out of me.

Have you ever lost someone to death?
Many. Many many. And I was exposed to it very early on. Which is why I suppose I never feared it. It is inevitable. It is eternal. To sleep, perchance to Dream; aye there’s the rub, for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause.

If you had to choose, family or friends?
I’ma be the jerk that says family. Because even though I hate some of my family… they’re the ones who have been around forever and will be around forever. I love my cousins (some of them) and know I could rely on them at the drop of a hat. I love my parents (most of the time) and know I could rely on them at the drop of a hat. I have maybe two friends that I could say that of… and even they would likely have “conditions” attached to any assistance.

Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50?
Wait… one day I will turn 30? Like again?! lol. Aging doesn’t scare me. Losing my mental faculties scares me.

Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
I’d like to think I’m a realist but like the “extrovert/introvert” question where my answer is “ambivert”

Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive?
That is a complicated question as it packs two very specific words in. SPIRIT which could mean anything from corporeal ghost form to the idea of a soul, and ALIVE which carries with it connotations of consciousness and self-determination.

What gives you hope when you just feel like dying?
That each day brings with it the opportunity to change course.

Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness?
I get depressed. I don’t think I have depression. I get lonely but it isn’t constant.

How often do you think about death, suicide or running away?
Every day but my job rather requires me to think about those kinds of things as far as what our victims and Defendants may be experiencing.

Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average?
Smart. It is problematic. I’m not smart. Not really. I am well spoken, know how to research, and I have been trained to support my arguments with factual representations. But honestly… put me in front of a computer and ask me to do anything, even something simple like make a power point presentation, and I’m Dum Dum The Idiot Boy

Are you currently in love? If not, have you been before?
Yes and yes

Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they ‘love’ someone that they’ve been dating for a few months?
Are you kidding? I don’t begrudge them that at all. I do begrudge them when “I love him” comes at the cost of their own safety and well-being. But even then I don’t deride them for thinking they are in love.

Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money?
My father would say we grew up average, maybe on the down side of average. My mother would say we grew up average, maybe even on the down side of above average. Compared to today’s world: I’d confidently say Above Average

Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn’t necessarily end positively?
Do you KNOW what I do for a living? lol

If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the first thing you would grab?
My Rx

Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them?
A wish is a dream your heart makes, it comes true when you remove it from your heart and put it into your back and hands and legs and call it “work”

Do you think people are generally good?
I think all people have the capacity for Good. I think all people have the capacity for Evil. I think that how we respond to our lives determines which side comes out. NOTE: I said how we respond because it isn’t the circumstances themselves that create the issue. You could be subjected to some of the most evil shit in this planet and respond to that by helping others. You could be subjected to the cushiest life of all time and respond to that by shitting all over people. Or vice versa. How You Respond defines you.