Playing Pretend in Gathering of Poetry and Fiction

Why do I feel so broken?
Hearts scared and mind askew.
I am different know.
I dont know why.

I’m like a paper mache mess.
Sloppily glued together to appear whole.
I’m not sure what shape this is.
The one I show the world.
Not me not who I was.
Not who I want to be.
Why?
How do I fix me?

Old wounds ripped wide open.
(Dont let the scars show)
I’ve been through worse,
I tell myself.
I’ll just put on a good show.

Make it look like,
I’m together.
Everything’s okay.
I’m fine.
I’m good.
I got this.
(No I dont)

I’m barely hanging on.
Coming apart at the seams.
How did this happen?
How did I lose track of me?

Who am I?
A monster?
A thing?
A person?
A dream?
I feel like a ghost.
Translucent and drifting.
Cant finish anything I start.
I give 200% effort,
But everything I produce is half assed.

Why am I like this?
It shouldn’t be this hard.
Why cant I relax?

Jay, jay, make it go away.
Just one big hug?
A nice big smile,
No the real one,
You ass.
Jay wont you play with me?
I want to play pretend.
Let’s go back,
And pretend we never stopped being friends.
Let’s pretend the bad things didnt happen.
And we’ve been together all the while.
Doing fun things,
Making each other smile.
Let’s pretend you still care,
I found a way to show,
That I cared too,
More than you’ll ever know.

Let’s play pretend,
Let’s ride a ferris wheel,
Let’s play cards,
And eat cotton candy,
And have fights in the snow.
Let’s go climb trees,
And gunt some things,
And when you do well,
I’m proud.
When I’m sad,
I’d call you,
And you’d tell me,
I’m actually doing well.
You’d help me through,
And so I you.
And everything would be well.

Oh wont you play pretend with me.
Make the bad things go away.
We’d be so happy,
And learn so much,
If only I had a time machine.
Wish I could make it real,
But you know I cant.
So for now, let’s play pretend.