Stoned rant. in Enjoying life!

Okay so here I am at 1am and I can't sleep. I'm stoned out of my mind and I am just thinking so much, my brain hasn't been this deep in thought this fast in a long time. I'm afraid going back to Phoenix is going to bring back all of my past problems. I'm afraid I will go crazy again being away from Jt. I call him my healer. He fixed me when I was broken. I'm afraid I'm going to run into people I don't want to see and I'm going to go back to my dark tendencies, like ill end up in the mental hospital again during this trip. I'm terrified to be away from him. It's like separation anxiety. I trust him with my whole heart..i just don't trust myself when it comes to my mind and the tricks it plays on me. I think so fast that I think of every possible scenario good or bad for every problem or situation in a matter of seconds, and it's overwhelming, I'm an extremely sensitive deep thinker and I don't think people understand that. Someone can say something simple and ill still be sitting here 3 hours later analyzing it, obsessing over what they REALLY meant. I'm paranoid and pessimistic by nature. I guess it saves me from being disappointed but damn is it exhausting. Ugh, idk where this rant is going. I just needed to vent. I'm afraid I'm going to come back a different person and I think Jt is scared that I won't wanna come back. What he doesn't realize is I might leave early...because Phoenix is bad juju on my brain. I just hope I can enjoy this vacation. I can't wait to see my dad and mom.