Someday I'll learn. in Since OD is shutting down....

OK so I decided to unblock BD last weekend and try to communicate once again. He was here last Sunday and Monday. He’s still impossible to deal with and truly gets off on bringing me down. He CONSTANTLY talks about his girlfriend and how much he loves her. He said that I have to accept that he’s moved on and blah blah blah. Uh yeah, I do accept it. I don’t want to be with him, I’m just interested in my daughter having her Dad around!

He actually brought me a box of diapers to my work on Saturday and then I took her to see him on his break later that night. He then started being a dick so I told him instead of him coming yesterday that I just wanted the day for baby and myself. He said that I’m just jealous of his girlfriend and I’m just mad because I can’t have him all to myself. I then blocked him. Again, this isn’t about him and his girlfriend, it’s about my child having her other parent!!

He’s right to the extent that I need to accept some things though. I need to accept that we are NEVER going to be able to get along. I have to accept that my daughter will never have her Dad because he’s too fucked up. I told him that I don’t even care about him being a Dad anymore. I’m seriously so fucking burnt out with this guy and his meanness that I could fucking scream.

I start school on the 20th. I originally thought I was going to need him to help watch her so that I’d be able to study and all that but I’ll be able to take her to daycare. I am so glad that I won’t need him because I would be miserable if I had to depend on him to help out, especially on a regular basis!! I’m just not willing to put myself in that position. This is my last full week at work and I can’t even describe how excited I am. I’m seriously just getting burnt out and I work with a lot of really lazy people so I’m busting my ass even more than I did before.

The problem is we have such a high turn over rate and when new people start, no one really explains to them what they’re duties are or enforces them so a lot of times, people are just standing around doing nothing. I get pissed because I’m constantly trying to get my shit done and they still won’t let me leave on time!! I told my boss the other day that i’m tired of having to negotiate my way out the fucked door every single night!!