Lost in Friends With the Benedicts

I have no idea what to do with myself. And grieving is proving to be very hard. I cried myself to sleep last night for a combination of reasons. I feel lost, Laura didn't sleep with me, she slept on the couch and I really didn't need to be alone, and ya know, that whole OD thing. And I'm sorry but I don't like it here. It feels all wrong. And I don't think that will change but if I don't write SOMEWHERE right now I am gonna explode! I am patientyly waiting for EWS' new diary site to come out. I just want something as close to OD as possible. I want OD. I was gonna print my diary. It didn't happen. I just wanted to check in here a little bit and say I hate this. I am not one for Bruce bashing, but I had some very bad thoughts about him while crying myself to sleep last night. How dare he cause me that kind of pain? But I still love him... I gues its lovehate. I am so glad Laura doesn't think I am crazy. She knows OD was a HUGE part of my life. Now I have grief on top of grief I never had a chance to work out. I hope yall are doing better than me!