I Should Be Asleep in Journal #1: The Real Me

I wonder what I’m looking for, and why I even need to search for it. Whats the point of asking “Why” anyway?
I guess it’s just, that I am the only thing in my life that confuses me. And yet it’s so simple, its frustrating.
But it’s not a problem, it’s like a fly -
its annoying but you could live with it ya know?

I know I’m not special, I live by that. Nobody is special and neither is their problems. We’re all repetitive. And here I am writing in my journal like my thoughts are one of a kind. It’s contradicting.
But it makes sense to me, I’m lonely but not lonely enough to strike up a conversation because socializing is more of a game to me than something a normal person would just do.

So this is like talking to myself, but not at the same time. Whatever, eventually I’ll just delete this account because reflecting and asking profound questions is not a productive way to waste ones time. I’m not always efficient I suppose.

I try to be “normal” and a long the way I just end up ruining peoples lives haha, its not my problem but it sure isn’t always my goal. Every Sunday I practice different social scenarios and facial expressions, I try to memorize them. And I still can’t hide like I want to, maybe I’m just not committed enough.

I confuse me.