"THE PAINKILLERS FOR THE FORMLESS, UNSEEN ILLNESSES" in "WRITER@WORK: Stories From A Lone, Urban Girl"

How do you find the right painkillers for your illnesses? Some common ones have already been properly diagnosed. Ibuprofen for your headache, for example. Cough drops for your major sore throat, especially when you can’t stop coughing at night.

Sleep for a major exhaustion.

What about the painkillers for the formless, unseen illnesses? It’s hard to tell. Diagnosis from experts may vary.

It can also be very tricky. One misdiagnosis can lead to mistreatments. Not everybody can and will understand. Sometimes, they end up judging you and calling you names. Weakling. Cry-babies. Softies. Wimps. What else?

This is why you also need to be extra careful with whom you share your stories with. There are some people you trust and don’t. That’s just it. It doesn’t matter if it’s your own family member, your supposedly best friend, or…your other half. Sometimes they turn out to be below your expectations. They just disappoint you.

That’s life. Sometimes you can only try your best not to take it personally.

So, how do you find the right painkillers for your formless, unseen illnesses? How do they stop you from crying yourself to sleep at night and feeling restless in the wee hours?

It takes a while to find them. You don’t always do so right away. Oftentimes, it takes trials and errors, basically just like life itself.

Use all your senses. Look closer. Listen better. Feel more. Pay attention more thoroughly. It’s all around you. It’s always been there.

It’s probably in the eyes of your mother, who once told you how brave you were for having travelled overseas and back alone. Or how she thanked you for choosing to stay with her, taking care of her while giving the better part of your life away – until only God knows when. It’s probably from your friends, wherever you go.

You may think that you can hide your feelings. Tough luck, dearie. Those who really give a damn about you will wait for you to come out of your shell…or drag you out by force instead. One way or another, they do.

Those friends are there. Some have always been around longer than you first realised. It just needs a moment where everything falls into place.

Listen. Listen to them closely. They’re the new friends willing to get to know you better. They’re the ones inviting you to their kids’ birthdays, treating you more like a family. In fact, they’ll simply tell you that you are that to them.

They’re all your painkillers, even for the formless, unseen illnesses. They remind you of something you yourself often forget:

You are worthy. Never forget that. Those who have hurt you in the past should no longer matter. They represent pain and should be forever killed.

Enough said.

R.