Demons in Random Public Stuffs

”I need your help I can’t fight this forever…“

I have been fighting off those horrid thoughts again. The familiar burning of my skin is distracting. I have been trying to keep myself busy but I know I have to actually DEAL with the emotions.

I am currently watching my two nieces, who are special needs kids. They definitely keep me busy. I haven’t had little kids around like that in forever. I was a little rusty the first 12 hours, but it all came back.

When the girls went down for a nap, I just started crying. I SOBBED and couldn’t stop. I figured since I was alone, might as well cry it out.

It did help, but it exhausted me further. I should’ve taken a hot shower while the girls were down, but I elected to grab a nap instead.

Its amazing how I can change my schedule on a dime. Last night I was asleep by 2300 hrs because I knew that Naya (the youngest at a year old) would get up early. She did. At 0415 hrs. Avri (two) was a few minutes behind her. So I got them up, changed, and had first breakfast going. They went back down around 0530 hrs and I laid back down to rest.

Now, when I go back to Bago, I will be up until 0400 since that is about when my Mama goes to bed.

But all this....I know its just causing me to bury my sadness. I know I need to get it dealt with.

Annnnnd…I just lost my train of thought.