Entry #1 in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I’m just calling this entry #1 because I might write another entry later tonight…I can kind of feel it in my bones…lately this website has been saving my fucking life, and I have to thank all of you for that for being so supportive and being so awesome.

Plus…it’s way better to vent all of this stuff out here instead of on Facebook or Instagram.

All I do here is vent…it’s not an accurate snapshot of my life…I come here to work out my deepest darkest thoughts.
I’m sure it paints a pretty ugly picture of my life…but my life is actually really great.
Like, when I look at it…I’m safe, I have a good job, I’m killing it at school, I have friends all over the world, and I have my health…oh, also, I have more than enough money to do whatever the fuck I want to do whenever the fuck I want to do it.

I’m so glad I don’t have any kids.

…

I’m going to finish up writing this entry and responding to comments, and then I’m going to shower and hang out with Brittany.

I’m really happy to be hanging out with Brittany again…we picked up right where we left off, like nothing happened…and I’m willing to just pretend like nothing happened…she’s apparently moving from her spot (for the last four years) in DTSA to BFE to go live with her parents.

It’s going to be so weird having her move back to her parents house…I’m going to miss her roomate, and sleepovers, and having the TV all to ourselves, haha.

I’m actually excited though, because I fucking love her parents and they love me, so it will be nice to go over to see Brittany and also get to spend that time with her parents.

But yeah…life changes.

We’ve been talking about making some youtube videos about how weird our relationship is…and it’s going to be the perfect icing on the cake to have both of us, in our 30’s living with our parents…both of us single, and she’s a witch, and I’m a wizard…so neither of us can date muggles…so we’re totally out of bounds forever and we’re probably going to die together being this weird platonic relationship where we already tried to be intimate and it didn’t work and now we’re just friends who need eachother to survive or something…I don’t know, it’s a weird dynamic, right?

I’m sure people will pay money to hear all about it and see it.
I’m sure of it.

…

Today, I woke up and I thought to myself, “I’d rather die than go to work”
But I went to work.
Work was terrible.
I wish I had died.

I don’t know how much longer I can last at this place…I have two more months of school…I need to start applying to software engineering jobs, but I’m just…this big fucking scaredy cat who’s afraid of change or something.

I dunno.

…

So much of me wants to do acid tonight, but I don’t think I’m going to.
I want to, though.

Anyway…I should probably shower up and get ready to go get some food with Brittany and live a regular life or something…maybe I can talk her into going to the beach.

That would be rad.
I bet I can do it.

I’m going to try for it.
BEACH TIME!

…

I love you.
I wish I could say, “I’m sorry for being so shitty.”
I wish I could say, “I’ve turned a new leaf now and things are looking up!”

But I know this all part of my cycles.
This is all part of being Bi-Polar.

I guess you know that, though, don’t you?
I swear to god, sometimes it feels like you know everything.
If you did, would you tell me?
Or is that cheating?
love you anyway.
-Dane