yeah so Evan news. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done. april 1, 2014 in Evan

‘ um well he’s here, a. he finally got at me after 2.5 months of not. on the 27th. and ya know. I wasn’t super excited about it like usual. like yeah it was nice esp. cause I’d been so worried and scared.

he liked that I was doing better. yeah, was.

and then. after I called him Sat. night [cause well things got to me] and told him to call me since there were things I wanted to talk to him about. he called me yesterday [Tues. March 31st] and I talked and he listened off course since he’s always been good at that. and he said it was his fault. but that was it. and honestly I expected more. I thought he’d be like ‘oh wow I didn’t know that’s how you felt’, or w/e.

he keeps telling me he’s not great but I don’t know why exactly. I’ve told him I won’t tell anyone anything he tells me. I’ve told him I won’t judge him. I’ve told him I know it’s hard for him to open up and that I’m the same way. and I’ve told him I want him to feel he can tell me anything. I’ve given him space a lot over the past. like yr. but that wasn’t working for me anymore. So yesterday when we talked I told him that I wanted him to drop me a line at least monthly. seriously. what the effing hell. what the fuk else am I supposed to be doing here cause I sure as hell don’t know. I know what I want. and so does he. but he doesn’t know what he wants which makes it hard for me to help. and he knows that. maybe he doesn’t want my help and yeah while I or anyone doesn’t like hearing that I’m more ready than I was to let him go [and not just bc of this. I was ready prior]. but my god. tell me something. so that I know.

If anyone has any input [I can’t say I’ll like it but I’m open to it] then please tell me cause I really don’t fukin know right now. Thank you. ‘