Big stuff. in Second 1st

A few large things. i’m sorry I’m never here. i really am. I always am. i miss reading those that I do and currently I’m behind by 102 entries!.... If it’s not Overtime keeping me away it’s this new life. .... New life.... like a death....

life is changing a good bit. I told you guys about the dizziness and the diagnosis right? Meniere’s disease is taking over my life. I can’t just eat out and go about my day like normal people might do. Everything is starting to revolve around the fact that I have to cook/fix everything I eat. To insure sodium contents stay low. I say “I can’t have that” and people get upset or I’ll have something I shouldn’t and I feel bad.... then there is discovery.... like I’ve been doing great. Then suddenly I don’t feel well.... why? Oh yeah can’t have that thing with way low sodium that I’ve been snacking on all weekend...... apparently chocolate..... NOPE can’t have that either.

Overtime has been everyday. 12 hrs a day 7 days a week...... then I get lucky and don’t get forced so I spend all day grocery shopping (I now get to go to 4 stores almost every week for low sodium versions of stuff) and cooking so I can have food ready to eat that’s low sodium.
I’ve bought a cook book..... did you know you can make a mayo (that actually tastes like mayo) with only 4mg sodium instead of 70 like the store bought kind. I have intention of tackling granola today. I’ve made a few safe meals that I like nothing I’d share really. Rocky has told me when thing are awful and he is eating the higher sodium stuff till it’s gone. Then he said for the most part he won’t have issues with eating what I do.

So far it’s been about replacing what I already eat like crackers and ketchup. (not at the same time those are just examples).

Aside from the new diet and life changes that come with that...... Rocky’s brother has moved in. He’s been here for a little over a month and as much as I would like to complain about his house keeping I can’t. I can’t because I don’t force Rocky to do things.

Sammy has not been raised. He is an 18 yr old who has never had a job and from what I can tell has never been made to clean up after himself in any kind of timely manner. I get irritated long before anyone else does. I have been spending the extra time I give myself before work not on playing video games on my phone ...... or even trying to do internet work .... or scrolling FB (which has given me motion sickness recently) but by catching a load of dishes or laundry because it’s the only time I can find. It’s the only way I can insure it will get done at all because if I don’t no one does. Sammy has been home doing NOTHING.

At first he would go to his boyfriends (he’s gay) house a lot..... they broke up and he was here for like a week. Yesterday he started his first job and the first week in August he starts college. I want him to have his last bits of time as a child I really do.... the last bit of real freedom he’s ever going to have.

Today, moments ago, Rocky and I had a real talk about this situation. I told Rocky that when he gets worked up he can’t just say. “He has to start ____ cause if not I”ll kick him out.” Why not? He’s a kid..... he’s not raised.... if we kick him out he goes to moms and remains a child the rest of his life.

I would prefer to type out a list of charges .... $ for dishes....._$ laundry....... I told him roof and food were provided before this all started. He will never go hungry in my house but..... he can’t keep requesting brownies either lol. i cook all the time now.... there is always food. I don’t want to charge him anything but he can help with the dishes and do his own laundry and not be charged..... but if I DO it .... that’s MY money...... for..... a bread maker?

I don’t know though because I really don’t want to do his laundry.

Sammy has been not feeling well. Rocky thinks it’s stress...... I don’t know.... I’m not even guessing but it makes it that much harder to say “do your damn laundry”..... I have work.... cooking all the damn time, and dishes.... I manage to spend some kinda talk time with Rocky at least once a week and I still manage to keep laundry done..... not to mention the random dizziness and general don’t feel “right” . Got plans to get things done today? NOPE dizzy.... list cut by 2-4 hours because meds and a nap are the only thing I”ve found so far to “fix” it. SO...... stress? smh..... how can we melt this F’ing snowflake?

These things feel HUGE. Raising a child that’s no longer a child that I didn’t ever HAVE. The idea that in the future I may not be able to work at all ..... I’ve filled for FMLA so I will be able to go home when I need to or call out..... like Tuesday.... I got up ready to go to work and was “off” while I did it..... when I got in the car I felt more “not right” and as I backed out of the driveway I felt the motion sickness washing over me. Head achy and nausea .... how was I going to manage my job? ..... but I’ve filed.... so I don’t have to.... and it’s an OT day.... Forced or not it’s not like they can come get me and cuff me to the damn conveyor...... so I stayed home. Took some meds and took a nap..... still felt “off” but better. ....... I can’t really drive when I feel like that so I waited for Rocky to get up so we could go do things.

I’m off a bit today… but I’ve got to go out.... Rocky is up but has his own plans for mowing the lawn and stuff so I wouldn’t ask him to drive. I’ve got at least 2 places to go ..... and it’s nearly 1 so it’s hot out.... which btw some say is a trigger for the dizziness..... i guess I should just go get it done though..... BOGO on salad mix and Hagan Das at Publix lol

After the attempt at granola and food prep for the weekend I promise I’ll try to read and catch up. 102 is a lot and I’m sure it will be 107 before I sit down ..... but.... laundry and dishes are all caught up (until I make that granola anyways) ..... and your lives have got to be better than the book I’m trying to get through .... (I can’t leave unfinished books no matter how bad it’s a sad thing I know) .....