"COLD-HEARTED AND CRUEL" in "WRITER@WORK: Stories From A Lone, Urban Girl"

“He’s a cold-hearted snake
Look into his eyes
Uh-oh, he’s been telling lies…”
(“Cold-hearted Snake” by. Paula Abdul)

I used to listen to that song a lot as a kid. (Yes, I am that old!) I’d enjoyed her dance moves and the beat. She looked and sounded powerful back then. (I think she still does now.)

Growing up, I’ve learned more about the meaning of the song lyrics. It’s about a woman warning another about the same man she used to date and now is with the other one:

Watch out. He’s a heartbreaker. He’ll hurt you too the way he has me – and perhaps many others already.

Unless, of course, that other woman has nothing to lose. It’s even better if she’s a player too. The two of them probably belong to each other. It’s just for fun. Let’s see how long they might last.

This is also the reason why some women are rather reluctant to warn others. They are unsure which side the other ones are on. Do they like being with the player or do they just have no clue…at least, not yet?

Either way, it’s tricky. Some women choose to stay away. The last thing they ever want with their good intention is a fight and an accusation. No matter how baseless, it’s never fun to be accused of jealousy or playing the victim – if the man also happens to be ‘that sleazy ex you’d like to bury alive’.

That song has also given me another perspective:

Once upon a time, there was this guy I knew. He was obviously an adventurer. Basically homeless, he carried his cameras and stuff as he travelled to places he was either assigned for or just for personal reasons.

He told me about all the girls he’d been with. He was like an open book, all raw and brutal honesty. He never pretended he was the one-woman man. It was better, actually, so any girls looking for a stable, loyal relationship had better stay away. There’s no point wasting their precious time on guys like him and getting their hearts broken in the end that way.

The guy told me that he was just being realistic. The longest relationship he always had was only three years. That was it.

“Then what happens after that?” I carefully asked. He shrugged.

“Nothing,” he admitted coolly. “I just pack up and leave once my work visa expires.”

“No goodbyes?” Just like that??

“No.” He shrugged again. “I might come back again. I might not. Who knows? There’s no point.”
Yeah. Who knows.

He never fully understood why I finally decided it was over, even before his so-called “three-year-policy”. I know I deserve better. I deserve to be the only one in something more permanent instead of one of the options, but maybe it’s just me and my old-fashioned idealism - according to some.

Guys like that are the reasons some hearts have finally grown cold. This society has always let them get away with everything. Oh, it’s just their nature. Take it or leave it, but you still have to be the good girl here.

Such reality has taught you not to expect way too much. In the end, you’re always the only one who can really, really take care of you and you should. Nobody else. Not even those who promise that they will.

R.