What I wish I knew a lot earlier in Riverdale

Things I wished I learned earlier about being a woman

1. It's ok to be "rude" to male or creepy strangers. We can't all save the world, we can't all win friendliest Samaritan awards. I use my better judgment now. If man is intruding on my personal space on the bus I move away and/or speak up. I no longer sit in silence doubting my experiences, trying to give the benefit of the doubt. I take action. They will get over it.

2. What I wear does not invite others to objectify me. I also learned that even if I am wearing sweats and whatever I have still been sexually harassed. Sexual harassment is a sick mentality of the person, it's about power and control and entitlement not about how much skin I am showing.

3. It's ok to not always have to lend an ear, money a hand. I am a naturally compassionate and helpful person and sometimes it feels uncomfortable to not but I try to check in with myself more often than not and ask myself if I a) want to help b) if I really can afford to or CAN help

4. It's ok to judge to a degree. We all do it and sometimes for good reasons. I often know that if my judging is keeping me safe from that person than it's the best I can do. If it is out of protection not out of contempt.

5. Downing yourself constantly is not attractive. We often think that if we make fun of ourselves or underestimate or automatically say something negative about ourselves it makes us more relatable humble and honest. But I often now realize when I see others do it so often it just comes off as insecure, negative and makes me and others feel uncomfortable. Believe in yourself and stop before you say out loud the awful things in your head. I also think that to someone who wants to hurt you it makes you just that more attractive to them knowing your doing half their job already. It can also come off (even if it's not intended or conscious) as fishing for compliments and reassurance constantly and no one really wants that job and can really do it better than you in the end.

6. Comparing leads to disparity. If I constantly compare myself to someone completely different than me but someone who has everything I want desire or think I should have I loose perspective on what I do have and that who I am. That they may have some advantages that I don't have to make them into who they are today and they may have some disadvantages that I don't know about or have over looked that I may posses the answer to or don't have.

7. That a lot of things in life come from chance opportunity fate circumstances. We can't do and be everything all the time. My father for example was not a self made millionaire. Most of his money came from the death of his father (an inheritance) the family business being handed down to him and him being one of the oldest in his family, natural intelligence and skill, being a white male in a male dominated society. My mother would not have had the life she had if she hadn't of married my father and left with half of his money as well to start off with and now finding a partner who can help with expenses. Financially and professionally it can be about meeting the right people at the right time, being born into privilege and wealth and having supportive and healthy role models to look up to. Society and others may want to lead you to believe you have total or so much control of your destiny but I would say that's bull.

8. Appreciate what you do have. I may not ever be super rich or have a perfect life. I may not be envied and admired by many and appreciated but I do know that I have gained wisdom and knowledge that cannot be learned in even the best schools by the amount of negative circumstances I have gone through. I know that I am strong to have survived and that I still want so much for myself despite my on going struggles and shitty hands I was dealt. I have been in situations with not having food to eat anyone to rely on and I have still found joy and peace and appreciation for very little things. I have a sense of humour about life and people and it's a strength I have because of what I have been through. You cannot buy these things you cannot steal or cheat to get these things.

9. Stop fighting reality all the time, wanting things to be different expect I can just get over things. The only way out is through. Don't push myself too hard when I am in pain or in a situation that is painful. Relax into it. See it for what it is temporary. Cherish the moment. Be in the moment as much as possible. Accept the reality of the situation.

10. Think of myself first. Attend to my needs first. Replenish myself so that I can give or not give what I have within me. Ask myself I can do this favour or meet this obligation? Is it realistic? Is it too emotionally damanding? Why do I want to do it? For kudos and admiration or because I really want to and I really like the idea for me and only me first.

11. Let my light shine Speak up, speak out, wear what I want do what I want. Be who I want. Not be scared that others might think I'm this or that. That others may notice judge make fun of me. I am who I am. I am not anyone else. I used to be so much more ashamed of the things I liked and would hide it from others out of embarrassment and fear they would judge me for being different or "weird" but a strange thing happened one day. A guy who I liked in high school wanted to know what I was Listening to one day and I was reluctant to tell him but when I did he loved the same song. So sometimes we think we are more different than we think. Another time this guy I met said he liked me because I didn't change or pretend to be something different around him or others. I wasn't him or like him in many ways but he respected the fact that I stayed true to who I was.

12. Not to forget who I am and where I came from and not be ashamed of it either. I can't help who I am or where I came from. It shaped me in many ways. When I see or feel myself veering off into someone else I catch myself. My identity is important. It's not better or worse than anyone else's. It is what it is

13. I can't control or change people or save them. They have to be willing to get themselves help. They have to be aware. I try hard to be a good person to myself and others. I am starting to really expect that more of others.