Some sort of good vibes in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

Let’s take a moment to express some gratitude…I find that it’s good to do that from time to time, so you can remind yourself why you stay here…because there has to be a reason to stay here, if there wasn’t we’d all have left by now.

Today I didn’t wake up hungover…so that’s nice…I woke up at a reasonable hour of the morning and spent some time just laying in bed and fucking around on my phone for a while…fell down a social media rabbit hole…that’s fine, that happens…social media feels like friends…you gotta get that dopamine.

My pharmacy is really far away and in the same area I used to live in with my ex…it’s funny, that’s where my fucking therapist office was before I lost my therapist…it always hurt going down there, but now I kind of like the drive, and even though I get these nostalgic pains, it really is so beautiful in that area that at least I can have a moment to take in all of the beauty…it’s not like where I live…I mean, technically where I live is beautiful, but it’s so sterile…so planned out…I don’t like it very much. They say it’s the safest city in America…I don’t like it very much.

Anyway, I drove to the pharmacy today and it’s always nice because the pretty lady who works there is always so nice to me, she always starts getting my scripts ready when she sees me and she always calls me by name and asks how my day is going. I’d ask her out…but first of all, I’m pretty sure she’d say “no” because she knows how many pills I have to take just to function, which means she knows how crazy I am…and second, she’s probably a muggle. I definitely get muggle vibes…we can’t have that…muggles never understand.

After the pharmacy I was like, “You know what? Fuck it, I’m in the area, I’m driving down to the ocean and I’m going to one of the taquerias that Lauren and I used to go to…I can go there without her…it will be like overcoming a fear.” So, I did…and it was delicious. Next, I need to go swimming in the ocean, because it’s been like two years since I’ve done that…ever since Lauren almost drowned and I had to save her…I just haven’t been back in since then…I need to overcome that fear now.

After eating taco’s I was like, “You know what? Double fuck it, I’m just going to cruize PCH for a while and take the long way home.” So I did.

It was a gorgeous drive up the coast, and I had my windows down and I was blasting Shakira…the mood felt right for that.

Now I’m home and I’m typing this out, sitting next to a giant pile of pill bottles.

Now I need to get ready for work.
After work, my friends Brittany and Lex are coming over to talk about this huge problem that Lex is going through…I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I’m going to see if it’s going to be possible for her to move in with me for a little while, just until she can get back on her feet…I know she is going to be needing somewhere to go soon…

…also, Brittany said that Lex has been talking about killing herself lately…I guess whatever this problem is, it’s big, and she only has until the end of the month to figure it out, and she apparently doesn’t have any options that will actually figure it out…so I’m actually really worried about her…I really don’t think I can handle her killing herself. I fucking love Lex and I want her around for as long as possible.

…anyway.

I need to get ready for work now…I really don’t want to go, between work and school, I have no days off anymore, it’s been like this for about three months straight now…and I’m just burnt out. I need some time to just relax and do nothing.

Anyway…

Thanks again for listening
I don’t have the words to express what it means to me.
I’ll talk to you soon
love you
bye.
-Dane