new response in 2018

10:51pm

I probably should not be writing right now.

I’ve only had two drinks but I feel like I’ve maybe had more. haha. The guy on cops just asked the guy how much he’d had to drink tonight. I ain’t even driving sir! =P
Sh*t, I meant drinking. hahahaha.

It was another bad day of dealing with tech support garbage at work and not getting anything done. They are going to ship us a new computer overnight but we missed today’s cutoff so it won’t arrive until Saturday. Except I don’t even know for sure because they didn’t confirm via email. Ugh. I don’t even know with these people. I’ve complained as much as I can. I’ll actually be at the headquarters in a couple weeks and I plan on letting them know how I feel. I’m trying to make money, I’m trying to make them money, and they’re not helping me do that. I’m tired of wasting my time. I was woken up at 7:30am with a phone call and then went in by about 9:30a. Stayed until after 4pm and didn’t get anything done. It was all a waste.

But here’s the other story: last night I came home exhausted/annoyed and had a couple drinks. I was feeling pretty good, with a very low filter, and I ended up emailing TF again before I went to bed. I know! What an idiot, right? But I did it anyway. I said, “dang, I don’t even get a ‘hi’ back anymore?” and left it at that. I didn’t have much hesitation about sending it. I don’t know.

I thought I’d only gone a week from the 1st email but it turns out it would have been 2 weeks tomorrow, so hey! I’m making progress. I’d rather say something then go crazy wondering why the heck this dude is completely ignoring me. I wasn’t even sure if it was sent so I needed to know. I don’t want any regrets anymore.

This morning, after my 7:30a call, I clicked around my phone deciding how long I’d lay there before getting up. I checked my email. A notification popped up. New email from TF. . . Ok. Holy cow he actually responded around 6am. That’s cool. But what I actually thought when I saw it was, “whoa he actually said ‘sorry’!” This dude pretty much never said sorry, especially not for something “simple” like not responding to a message. I was surprised. He apologized and said he didn’t check his emails as often as he should and asked how I was doing.

Now, is it all a bunch of bs? Probably. I know the dude checks his emails. That sh*t was proven tonight when I responded around 8pm and it literally took him 3 minutes to read/type response/and reply back to me. It’s fine though. I don’t know what goes on in his world. I won’t hold it against him. I certainly won’t get back into the habit of expecting an instant response from him. I know what he’s like already. I’m just grateful for a response so that I don’t have to continue to sit around wondering if he hates me, or whatever.

I told him that I was reaching out about the hunting/photography project and asked him how the new job was going. Summarizing of course because I said too much as per usual in an email. He said the new job was good and he was having a lot of fun. He also said he’d try to come up with some public spaces I could explore. No mention about texting me when I offered that as an alternative to email. Nothing about my quick mention of going with them on a hunt. I did give him the out to just name some places though so I can’t be upset he took it.

Honestly, once I received the response, I had no idea what to do. I didn’t even think he’d respond so I was like, “sh*t, what do I say now?!?” haha.

I replied around 9pm and told him I was glad about the job, made a joke about his brother, and thanked him for helping me out. I said that I didn’t want to bug him but I didn’t know who else to ask and mentioned that he knew I wasn’t good at making friends. ha. Might as well put it out there.

I know the dude is insecure. I can see it in the pictures. And I kinda like it. I like that he’s not completely confident in his own skin. I know that makes me sound bad, but seriously. He is the reason I am so confident in my own skin; I can’t believe how insecure he can be. It makes me like him more. I don’t even know why. Still an idiot I guess?

We’ll see what happens. I don’t suspect he’ll volunteer to show me anything and I’m not sure I’ll be able to take his suggestions and go on my own, but maybe. I’m just glad he responded. I needed that. I need to settle things down with him and feel normal again. I want to forget all the negative things about us.

In some ideal miraculous world we could be real friends for a while, but you know me, I’m a realist. I’ll just take it one day at a time and go from there.

rose.
11:24pm

Last updated June 15, 2018