Everything in General

Everything, Stereo Fuse.

I went back and forth about what to title this one. Evel gave me “Everything” and YouTube gave me “For Emily, Wherever I might Find Her.”

Sometimes I wonder if I am not trying to depress myself. I am a middle aged man living in a condo without cats and dogs. I pretty much do what I want to do when I want to do it. The hardest part of my week is trying to wrangle some fucking flight time.

Just before I go to sleep I think about the Xs. Short lived thinking, because I fall asleep like a rock falling off a cliff.

I’m not going to lie, both of my ex wives were stunningly gorgeous. Audrey haunts me. She is just there, right over the river. I fly over her house every time we are landing on 19L.

I don’t know what to do with that feeling. At least with my marriages, they were over.

The last conversation with Audrey went Me: “Is this goodbye?” Her “Maybe just solong.”

And that left me hanging to this day. I know it is my problem. Summer is here. Time to pump up the speed bag and drop the heavy back out of the rafters and get to work.

I hate tats, but I told myself if I get in with Fire of the Gods, and manage to work out every day they are open I will put this on my left shoulder.

Because something has got to change.

There is a subtext in this song. I was deployed 8 times, and yet I was never afraid. Not of what being deployed meant, but rather what was happening back home. I was literally more afraid of what was happening at home than the “Science Projects” Saddam’s air defense guys were shooting at us. Early in the Bosnia endeavor we did some sketchy shit in west Bosnia And none of that shit scared me.

Weirdly pathetic.

But it was weirdly cool when we followed the CO of VF-74 down the chute behind the boat. Absolutely atrocious weather. I knew his voice and he knew mine. And suddenly we were best friends. We met up in the dirty shirt later and he was chatty Cathy. He did not like that experience. I didn’t either.

There is a tension in your muscles that you never lose.

Where do we find such men?

I don’t know how I went from reminiscing about lost loves to ruminating about tasks accomplished.

I wonder if she even thinks of me. If she doesn’t, good for her. At least she doesn’t have to carry this hurt.

It’s getting better. Who knows? In the wild world of aviation maybe I will meet a 22 year old who can wreck the rest of my life.

“I remember you
Do you remember me too?

But on the 14th of July
The smell of roses made her cry.

Though you’re going far from home
Rest assured you’re not alone.

‘Cause I would give everything that I own,
I’d give you my heart and this skin and these bones,
The sun the moon the Earth the sky.

I’ve never even stopped to wonder why
I would do anything
And I would give everything
To be your everything.

Seems like such a long, long time,
Since your body crossed my mind.
But I think that you should know
It wasn’t I who had to go.

‘Cause I would give everything that I own
I’d give you my love and this heart made of stone
The sun the moon the Earth the sky
The motorcycle that I like to ride

I would do anything,
and I would give everything,
to be your everything.

But if ever you should stray,
just sing along and I will play.
Look into your hands,
I’m slipping through them like a tiny grain of sand.

I remember you,
Do you remember me too?

Seems like such a long, long time,
Since I held you near and called you mine.

‘Cause I would give everything that I own,
I’d give you my heart and this skin and these bones
The sun the moon the Earth the sky
A brand new car that you and I could drive.

I would do anything,
And I would give everything
To be your everything.”

-Stereo Fuse, “Everything”

Last updated June 08, 2018