The Poo Trials in Love, life and laundry.

Dear Diary,

You can't say you haven't been given due warning. The word Poo is in the title!

I wonder why it is considered unacceptable to talk about poo, we all do it after all.

I'll start by saying I feel like poo. I am obviously playing host to a lurgy of some sort. Got that horrible scratchy feeling at the back of nose and throat. Headache that just won't shift. Keep going hot, hotter than a menopausal woman stuck in the depths of hell fire and then just when I've taken off all my clothes and opened the window I get cold. Shivering, colder than the second freezer that I need (My much put upon other half would tell me I don't need a second freezer and I shouldn't even want one given we have no space!)

All of this is breaking through my plethora of drugs. The bloody FMS means I am more likely to suffer when a lurgy hits but even so this is breaking through oxycodone and co-codamol, naproxen etc etc.

This leads me on to the real poo trials....

Chronic constipation is a permanent lodger in my body. Has been since I started on the tramadol a few years ago. I take the max dose of senna every evening and occasionally have to top-up with disgusting lactulose (it tastes soooooooo sweet). Obviously there are things I can do to help myself like eating my weight in fruit and veg each day.

In the flare that peaked in Nov 2013 I got put on slow release oxycodone and take 20mg in the morning and 40mg at night always with paracetomol and then codeine as and when for break through pain. One poo a week is not uncommon.

As an aside I don't really think I have got fat, just that I am so constipated that when I finally stop taking the meds I'll have an enormous poo and leave the bathroom looking like Kate Moss! ;)

As Oxycodone cannot be given on repeat I have to see the Delectable Dr Tim every 4 weeks and at last appointment he asked if I'd be interested in a clinical trial - answer is yes please with no hesitation!

I've always said I'd go on any clinical trials. From a selfish perspective anything that might help is worth a whirl and from a less selfish perspective even if the drugs won't get approved for yonks and perhaps by then I'll not be suffering any info from clinical trials will ultimately help others.

So anything that is opiate based works by affecting endorphin receptors in the brain and this blocking pain signals and giving a sense of pleasure, even euphoria (I have yet to experience euphoria!!). This is all good gravy and does exactly what I need however; opiods also work on receptors in the bowel which causes constipation.

As the Delectable Dr Tim so wonderfully put it...

If it is working in your brain and releasing endorphins then your body is essentially looking at fight/flight mode and quite rightly ones bowel shuts down as you don't want to be crapping as you are running away.

I love 'caveman' theories - grew up with them as Dad is a fan of spouting caveman theories.

Dr Tim went on to ask if I had heard of a drug called Narcan (Naloxone). Explained it is a drug used by paramedics when they find a heroin addict who has overdosed and is unconscious. Basically they give them a shot of naloxone and it reverses the affect of the heroin temporarily. The addict wakes up and runs off with the paramedics in hot pursuit as it wears off and the patient can fall unconscious again!

Some clever soul wondered whether this same drug could be used for those that take opiate based meds legally and for pain. And so it is now in clinical trials to see if it works and what, if any, the side effects are. Dr Tim thinks that ultimately it will become the standard treatment for opiate related constipation.

So I start, next Tues. First I have to pick up a huge document to read through and provide my written consent. Then I have to provide bloods, have an ECG, provide urine samples to check for pregnancy (better bloody not be!) and test for drugs.

I find the urine dip for drugs fascinating as, of course, the test isn't sophisticated enough to know whether the morphine that shows up is legally prescribed or not.

Don't think I could ever be a heroin addict, or even occasional user. The oxycodone isn't too bad, generally well tolerated and after the initial wooziness it can cause after a few weeks side effects are minimal, or at least in comparison to Oramorph or injected morphine.

I can cope with a bit of wooziness as still do get it occasionally, especially if have had to use codeine to top up or if I drink a lot of coffee on an empty stomach as the caffeine enhances the effect. Oramorph thoughh is awful. Knocks me sideways and leaves me in a state where I can't even watch the telly. I can only lie in a heap. It also makes me itch and itch and itch. Always know when I've been on the oramorph as am covered in red scratch marks. Vile stuff. Why anyone would want to make them feel like that willingly, and for no other reason than to feel like that, boggles my mind.

I am exciting and thankful that I can participate in this trial. It is a little bit of a faff as not at normal surgery. My surgery is teeny tiny as it serves just this village. It is linked with a much bigger surgery a few miles away and this is where I have to go for the trial stuff. They did say I could get a taxi and they would reimburse me. No wonder drugs cost so much money!! Obviously would be drug company that would pay, not the NHS but even so I'll be making my own way there.

In other poo news...my life seems to be dominated by poo.

Passed the occasional table the other evening and with the sleeve of my cardi wiped across what I thought was a bit of dust and sawdust from the snake's tank. No it was a bit of snake shit - urg. Snake shit stinks. I say this having a dog. Snake poo is perhaps the vilest smell I have ever smelt. I was decidedly not impressed.

The snake belongs to the Hunk. Given that he took on me, two chillblains and a mad dog it seemed only fair that I accepted the snake. It is a corn snake, not poisonous, not even very big. If it was to bite it would be similar to a cat bite - so really harmless. I don't have an issue with the snake, who happens to be called Jake. I'll hold it from time to time, used to feed it but don't do that anymore as however much I know that the snake is about to strike (at the mouse I dangle by the tail) it still makes me jump which normally involves me whacking my arm on something.

I just don't really understand why one would want a snake as a pet. It isn't really cuddly, taking it for a walk doesn't work - the leash slips off! ;) For the most part it is just in its vivarium doing not a lot. Watching Jake shed his skin is fairly cool I guess. Fascinating. I'd still rather have a dog.

Anyway, back to the snake shit. Mr S (the hunk) did dutifully help me off with cardi and apologise and faff around cleaning up but even so....snake shit! Urg.

The storm on Tuesday night blew down both fences which is a pain. We suspected one would go as was already rather delicate following the last gale and was being supported with old bits of banister. Went down with a thump late in the evening and by the next morning the other side fence had also gone. Bit of a pain as both party fences which means getting agreement to get them fixed. I was never good at sharing!

Very nice Czech neighbours (whose names I should know but don't) got a quote from their friend who is a builder - mates rates and all that. £700 phew! Mr S wanted to go with it but I just had that nagging feeling that this was too much money. It isn't a big fence, the panels are fine it is the posts that have snapped. Good thing I pushed it as after a few quotes we are now paying £290 or rather half of that. the fence people reckon they will be doing it this weekend if the rain holds off. I'm sceptical as more storms are forecast. If it wasn't for the PomDog I would be tempted to leave it until April when the storms will be over.

Frustrating but all in all we are lucky. Some of the houses have lost bits of roof/fascia and other bits, then there are those whose houses are under water. At the end of the day, it's only a fence.

So glad today is a rest day. Don't really want to sit in a hot stuffy and airless office whilst harbouring the lurgy but also just not feeling the love at the moment.

Yesterday I had to help them work out what adjustments they need to make as they are moving my desk yet again. You'd think an office for more than 1000 bods would be wheelchair friendly - oh no! Consequently spent half an hour yesterday talking about widening aisles, lowering boards and key safes etc etc It is all very tedious.

I might do some baking later on. There is a bunch of black bananas that has been dumped in the kitchen. can't stand bananas myself but the boys like them so will probably make some banana bread for them, need normal bread too. Shall do it later, after a nap.

Curled up in bed with the dog and have no inclination to move really.

Feeling slightly sick but that's because I ate a bag of revels and a bag of minstrels for breakfast.

Loving my new cooker. It makes such a difference. I occasionally just stroke it in passing! :)

Tris got his mock results back yesterday. 5As, 2Cs and a D. Science and maths and ICT were all As which is good given he wants to do A levels in Maths, physics, chemistry and psychology or further maths. Spanish was a D although the paper covered stuff they have yet to learn. English was a C but no real surprise there. The shocker was History where he got a C. Last essay got and A* so work to be done there.

He is so lazy about school work. He knows that he'll probably pass even if he does no revision. He seems to learn by osmosis. Sort of sucks up the information in class even though he is staring out of the window day dreaming. He then manages to regurgitate enough to pass or in the case of Maths ace it. Whilst in some ways it is a benefit to learn with no effort I suspect it is more of a hindrance as he just can't be arsed to do any revision.

There's only so much I can do as a parental. As it is I have imposed minimum of 1 hr homework and make him sit at the dining table to do it. So frustrating as he would happily just sit there for an hour looking at the same screen. Aghhhhhh!

Academically Tristan is far brighter than Choo but when it comes down to it I think that Choo will wipe the floor with him grades wise. She works her butt off. Every A is hard earnt. It helps that she is at one of the grammar schools and they are more supportive of their pupils.

Tris is at a normal comp, it isn't a bad school. Used to be but is now the most improved school in the area. They have their first Oxbridge candidate in the second year of having a 6th form so it really isn't a bad school....but. Of course there's a but. Their catchment isn't great, lots of council estates and a high proportion of free school meals pupils. Only about a quarter of the parents actively engage with the school e.g. turn up to parents evenings etc. The schools emphasis is on getting those who are borderline to get a C or ideally 5 of them and so this is where they put their energy.

Bleurgh. I have no energy or oomph. And on that note I am off for a nap.

Fi