Jail Time in Tea at the Cabin in the Woods

I didn't want to believe it when he called. His voice was clear and he went on about why he hadn't said anything until now, that this was the only solution that made sense, and he was sorry. Then he said, "I have to go away for awhile and I don't want you to be mad when I don't call for awhile." I asked, "Away? Where are you going?" I heard the deep breathe on the other end of the line as he said, "County Jail, 60 day sentence, maybe it can be reduced with good behavior and if I get a job like a steward or something while inside." Hubby and I sat in silence as he explained he has been fighting this for over a year, Another DUI. His history of this has had him locked up for 3 days in Washington St., a few weekends and community service in Texas, one over night in Ohio, and now a 60 day sentence. Every-time he promises he is going to change, he's going to stop drinking, but maybe, just maybe this time he really will?

She came to the house a month ago and asked to spend some Mom & daughter time. We sat on the sofa and she cleared her voice. "I have to tell you something and it's not easy because I don't want you to be embarrassed or ashamed of me. I hadn't said anything until now because I needed to try to figure it all out." I took her hands in mine, looked her in the eyes and told her I would never be embarrassed by her and whatever it is, we'll get through it. She wiped the beginning of tears away from her eyes, took a deep breath and said, "I got arrested for driving under the influence. They took me to jail, it was humiliating and I hadn't had a drink for 5 hours before I got pulled over!" She then went on to tell me that she may lose her drivers license and criminal charges were filled. She needed a lawyer and couldn't afford one.

In the past month both of my children are in trouble because of alcohol - Big trouble! My son goes to jail in the morning, my daughter has already lost her drivers license for 6 months and is awaiting her court date for the criminal charges. My heart is broken for them and I know there is nothing I can do to help. They are 33 and nearly 29 years old, adults who make their own choices - good or bad - and have to live with the consequences of those choices.

Part of me wants to pick apart the way I parented them. I don't drink, with the exception of a glass of wine now and again, don't smoke, rarely swear, am mild tempered, well educated... it doesn't matter. I wasn't a perfect parent, no one is. Hubby and I had disagreements - often very loud, since he is hot tempered and has a mean streak. (which has calmed down considerably since he has retired and moved to New England). Most of their growing, formative years, I was a part-time single parent since their father traveled extensively. I went to college and worked hoping to be a better influence on them, hoping they would see the benefits of living well and getting an education. Which, by the way, did not work. Neither one finished college.

They are both very creative, independent people. They are loving and kind to others, care about people and social justice, advocate for the rights of others and give freely of their time and talents to support causes that are important to them. I am very proud of them of who they have become. I, however, am not proud of the choices they have made when it comes to alcohol. My father was an alcoholic and I was a drug addict before I knew my husband and had the kids (I was clean for a year before I met Hubby and have stayed clean! 36 years clean, in fact.) The addiction gene is strong in my family line and I have worried about it since the kids were small. Maybe I worried too much, maybe I was too preachy about it and their rebellion was to do it anyway? Maybe it is my fault? Even though I know it isn't, it still feels that way.

If you have a moment, send a little positive energy out into the universe for my kids. If you are a believer in God, say a prayer. If you are pagan or Wica, say a spell and a chant for safely and clarity. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening. Later.