The Road to Darkness Has a aay of Always Knowing My Name in Chapter 9 : Oil Above Water

Today is a dark day.

Internally there’s a small war breaking out. The three Queens have risen. The EDs are running pretty freely, and it’s everything I have not to sit and slice in to my thigh because I’m so sick of myself, I’m sick of my reflection. I’m sick of my face. I’m sick of my fucking life. I’m sick of being so time poor that I have to sacrifice something ever single bloody day. I’m sick of being very actually fucking poor. Poverty & Veganism, great covers. Thanks to life I don’t need a girlfriend, life fucks me daily.

I can’t imagine what it’s like to look in a mirror and like what you see. To not have to constantly put on a show so that nobody can see how truly dark you have become inside, how deep the loathing truly runs. It’s so tiring trying to fake confidence in the vain hope that it will somehow mutate in to actual confidence, yet it never does. How can I even think of getting involved with anyone, I have no business being naked in front of a mirror, let alone another person. I am but a gargoyle, a full scale fucking party-sized, share-bag fucking gargoyle. That is why I am letting The Queens ride freely, maybe they can help?’