Its 4am girl go back to sleep. in In My World

I called Boyfriend because I knew he was on his way home and I can’t sleep but once I started talking it all just kinda came out.

I didn’t know how bad it had gotten until I started talking and just couldn’t stop. One friend is heavily relying on me but also doesn’t listen to me or get anything he needs from me. This is only a problem because he keeps calling me his “soul soother” and then the second he leaves he’s back to feeling awful. I’m tired of every little bad mood becoming a crisis. I understand depression much better than most and I’ve been around people who were actively suicidal and or self harming. I know what to do but like damn. I get that you’re having a bad day but it’s just that: a bad day. You’re not suicidal and the world isn’t ending because of one bad day. I keep telling him that the negativity is only temporary but he doesn’t listen to anything I have to say. Not to mention the part where he showed up drunk to my house last night. Again that wouldn’t normally bother me but 1) I wasn’t even home and 2) he was talking down to me… unintentionally but it was enough to piss me off.

Another friend just got kicked out and is dealing with his drunk dad… manageable.

And then there’s you. Please don’t think anything of this but you relying on me
… you needing me… it’s a breath of fresh air. I can help you. I can at least help you feel better for a little while. You were talking about feeling useless… ha!!!… you should see how much I suck. I love you. I’m not making light of your problems or anything like that, I’m just glad you don’t see it as the world ending. Or even if you do you know you’re strong enough to live through it. You made me feel a lot better tonight. Thank you.

I’ve been barely sleeping and the sleep I have been getting is restless and shitty. I haven’t showered. My glasses fucking broke today. And I’m so emotionally warn out from dealing with the other two that it’s a wonder I’m okay. Thankfully you and boyfriend are two people who help restore my energy.

I’m going to try to sleep now. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.

I hope you’re sleeping well, goodnight.

P.s. it meant a lot to me that you would have been here with Me had it not been for the alcohol. Really and truly.