Huh? in The Road Ahead

Today flew by, but that happens when you’re dissociated. I wanted to get some wood burning in, but I’ve been shaking so badly all day that there was no point. No appetite, dizzy, and nauseated, I made myself eat some southwestern guacamole and a baked potato anyways.

My saving grace and distraction were a few of my Xbox friends. I could barely hold the controller and they knew something was wrong, but they kept my spirits up. I’m normally really goofy and joking, but I made sure to take a minute and let them know how much I appreciated spending time with them today. It was Xbox friends that helped talk me down from my fourth(?) attempt, and I’ll never stop appreciating them for that.

The rage and fury I felt has been largely ignored, as shock took my emotional reins over. I can’t think about it directly, my focus bounces off and my eyes fall back to the ground.

I hate feeling like this again. I didn’t miss it at all. I want it to go away. It’s like being smothered by a wet, king size blanket that you can’t get out from under.

Tomorrow will be better. I’m so tired but I’ve got that familiar anxiety about waking up in full alert mode again. Waking up exhausted sucks. Later days y’all.