Saturday and the Last Many Hours in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

How about we do this in Bullet Form or Numerical Form for no reason :)

(1) When Wife came home from work, she talked about the job for a straight 90 minutes. However, this time? It was positive (ish). When she worked at Wal Mart she used to come home and talk about the job for a straight 90 minutes doing nothing but bitch, cry, and yell. So… yeah, she monologues and has no interest in anyone’s opinion or feedback… but I’d rather she be happy about it, lol. For the most part. She’s still staving off a Class 5 Freakout. In her monologue, she slipped into “but I’m still so worried and fighting my own panic” a few times.

(2) I wanted to talk to her about the letter I sent her… the one about her wants/needs and my wants/needs.... the one that involved Sexy Stories where she and I were the lead characters… but she wasn’t as open to discussing it. INSTEAD we discussed the possibility of getting the JONES job. She now 100% agrees that if I get that job… I should go, she should stay, and we should live separately for 6 months to a year. So THAT is something I’ll take as good news!

(3) So I busted out the alcohol last night. Got myself a little drunk, got wife a little more drunk, and she was DTF. Twice in one week has never happened in our entire relationship so that is awesome. Still makes me sad that it had to be this way, but I’ll take it. I did not finish but that is just how that works sometimes. Especially if we’ve been drinking and often because “just stick it in and go” doesn’t get me as hot as it might for some others. She finished with me inside her. That has never happened in our entire relationship together so that is awesome. I’m trying to leave it at that and be positive but it is difficult. Because I can’t help but think… twice a week would be SO nice… but physically and financially, we can’t afford to get her drunk twice a week. And frankly… drinking to “get there” negatively impacts my ability to finish. And… for her self-esteem and for my sexual health… I’m worried about what it all might mean. I don’t want her to feel bad or anything but… sex twice in one week and only 1 orgasm out of a possible 4? I know that isn’t “the point of sex” but the sex is rare enough that I’d really like it to be a great experience for both parties whenever it happens.

(4) Of course, since we drank and fucked last night… the apartment is a bit of a wreck. Likely another reason Wife doesn’t want to have sex frequently. To which I’d respond: if sex was (a) without getting trashed and (b) before the time where we want to go to sleep… this wouldn’t happen. We’d be able to put dishes away, clean up the cooking, tidy the house, and then have sex. Like adults. Instead… the drunk Wife scampers away giggling like she’s a teenager then we have sex and go to sleep… that pattern creates these messes.

(5) Today, being Saturday, is a Dragon Lance Day. However, one of our players wanted to be able to leave early so we aren’t sure if we’re starting early. I texted the DM and let her know that we’d try to be early but Wife is Wife. She’s never been on time for anything. Ever. Her version of “on time” is between 5 and 15 minutes late. So… if our game starts at 1, Wife said we’d try to make it between 1:30 and 2:00 and we’re likely to make it around 2:15 to 2:30. As an attorney, actor, former athlete, and former musician… this is an annoying thing to me in the extreme. Early is On Time, On Time is Late, Late means Don’t Bother Showing Up.

(6) We didn’t even leave for the game until 2:15. Wife was complaining the whole time because of the arrangement. One of the players, I’ll call Rory, had stated he would need to leave early so could we maybe start the game earlier. Wife was complaining how inconsiderate it was for Rory not to have been more proactive in everything as he should have known his schedule before last minute. She had a point, but complaining about something like this to me… when we weren’t even going to be early anyway? I said as much. I said, “Don’t be angry at Rory because we’re going to arrive at 3.” She was mature about it, saying “You’re right. I mean… we should have been on our way hours ago but I was playing my cell phone game for three hours.” Yeah. She was playing Gems and Genies for three straight hours.

(7) When we arrived at Game… there were only three people there. Rory hadn’t even showed up yet. So there was tension in the air as we all genuinely like Rory, he’s a great guy.... but he doesn’t show others the respect or courtesy of being on time. Like Wife… but worse. Turns out… he didn’t even show up a Game until 5!! But here’s something worth pointing out. Wife, as she so often does, was just clinging to that anger. Before Rory arrived, the rest of the group decided to go ahead and start Game. If Rory was going to be this late? Screw it. But even as we started playing, Wife was throwing shade and whispering to me how upset she was. It’s like… Really? We are playing now. There is actual gaming happening. We are trying to enjoy our time and the purpose for us getting together. At this point, you’re choosing to remain angry and trying to be heard about complaints we all have and are trying to move beyond.

(8) Despite her “I’m still intentionally being pissy” mood, we all got to level our characters. HOORAY. But… I’m not good at doing that by memory and for the most part Wife has gotten other people to level her character before now. So… she has a handbook (I do not) and she’s doing what I hate most from the youth in this nation. She had the handbook, she had her phone. I had no handbook. I did not have my phone. But she kept asking me questions about things that… okay… you have the handbook, look it up. If it isn’t in the handbook, then check Google. But seriously? Asking me things you should be able to look up… knowing that I would need to look them up in the book YOU HAVE… I was losing my patience. And I really needed to poop. So I just spat “Here is this. Here is that. Any questions, this book has a glossary and a table of contents that you are more than capable of using!.”

(9) After that, I went to the bathroom. This part may be graphic and if so… I would encourage you all to go to Number 10. However, in the bathroom I had to poop very much. But I also got the strong feeling that I needed to urinate. Makes sense… I drank a lot of water and had not peed since the day before. But no urine would come out. Some semen did (makes sense, I suppose as I had not orgasmed from sex) but… I still felt like I needed to pee. I touched the head of my penis and it was ice cold. Like… hold my ice sculpture in your lap for 30 minutes ice cold. I don’t know what that means but it is something I think I’ll need to keep an eye on. I mean, in my youth I almost lost both testicles due to circulation issues so… my groinal region being “cold as death” is worrying.

(10) After I got out of the bathroom, I did apologize to Wife for being short with her. But as we played the Game, she was on her phone hardcore. I get it, everyone is usually on their phones and that is something she is quick to bring up if I ever call her on it. But there are some differences. For one thing, she’s on it constantly. Like… she doesn’t put it down during the game almost at all. Whereas every other player at least engages for twenty minutes every hour. But the most irksome thing is… for the most part… the other players have situational awareness and the ability to do Phone and Game. Like… Sarday can be on her phone, RPing, and doing combat rolls. Wife can be on her phone… and then must be touched or shouted at to pay attention. But the thing that bugged me most? WHAT she was doing on her phone. The first hour or so of the game, she was on Zillow. She’s already embraced the idea that I will be getting the JONES job and is now using that to look at houses. This worries me emotionally for two reasons. (A) She is already thinking, We can move here and I can quit my job and try to figure out what I really want to do. Which… for obvious reasons… worries me. (B) She is already thinking, If I can get Chris out of the house so he is making money, I don’t need to feel such pressure to work on myself. But, honestly, the thing that bothered me THE MOST is that Wife has never ever actually done any math or stopped to consider how much house we could actually afford. I’ll show her houses WAY out of our price range to start conversations… like “This house is insane, but what do you think of this style of room?” Or “This place is a freaking acreage! That is like… livestock raising backyard space. But how much yard would you actually want?” You know… asking questions about what is wanted and desired. Instead, Wife was on Zillow today during game and would just show me a house and say, “What about this one?” To which I’d see the price tag ($360,000) and tell her that before we look at houses in earnest we REALLY need to know what our ‘house hunting budget’ would be. And she kept showing me houses and asking “What about this one.” And my response remained the same. In a lot of ways, yet again, it is like working with a child. I want to be reasonable and responsible and know what our floor and ceiling financially would be. She’s already gone to the “This is pretty, I like it!” stage without having any sense of what we could really honestly get. It was… very irritating. Then (of course) the rest of the game? Gems and Genies. She is like this with anything and everything that will distract her from life around her or healthy living.

(11) The healthy living thing comes in for when we were leaving. Sarday brought in Oreo Cookies to share. Wife was complaining that she ate too many. I asked for a ballpark figure and she said 10 or so. Plus she ate a bag of Udupi. Plus, as we hadn’t eaten dinner, we grabbed Burger King and she ate all of her Medium Fries and most of my Medium Fries. Then she complains that she feels fat. Seriously… this woman has ZERO self-control when it comes to food or technology use!

(12) The game was fun though. And since Wife got to act like a Kender read: spastic child; she did enjoy the game once she finally started paying attention. And that is also very Wife. Negative, angry and down, burying herself in Cell Phone Games and Food… but when she finally actually engages with anything, she enjoys it. Just an irritating shame that whatever it is, she always resets to zero almost immediately.

(13) On the way home, I told Wife that I wanted to catch some of the Toonami block tonight because last week’s Jo Jo’s Bizarre Adventure had a real cliff-hanger of an ending and I was interested in seeing it. Wife specifically said, “You could watch that in bed, you know.” Cool. So, she has told me that I can watch Toonami in bed. Awesome. We get home, it isn’t quite bedtime yet, and I turn on “As Time Goes By” (British Show) that Wife loves. I tell her I don’t really care about what is on Toonami until later, so we could watch that. We do… we watch the entire episode. Turn it off. Catch the last 15 minutes of Sea1 Ep1 My Hero Academia and go off to bed. I turn on Toonami and Wife sighs, rolls her eyes, and says “But it’s a Futurama niiiiiiight.” I remind her that she said I could watch Toonami in bed. She says, “I meant when we got home. You didn’t watch it when we got home.” I pretty much swallowed my anger because there was no point in getting angry since I was absolutely going to get my way. She said I could watch it in bed and that is what was going to happen. Besides… no matter what is on TV… she just wants the TV on and playing for when she falls asleep. And she did. In the middle of FLCL, she fell asleep. Didn’t even make it through the first 10 minutes of “Toonami in bed”. And of course, since I am who I am, when Jo Jo ended, I switched it over to Futurama. For my unconscious wife.

(14) So now it is late. Technically, not even Saturday anymore… even though this entry’s events started on Friday. And I can’t sleep because I’m having difficulty processing my emotions.

Last updated May 06, 2018