Something of an accusation in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Today I decided to talk to Wife specifically about her therapy. More importantly the concept of regression. One of our mutual friends had brought it up recently saying that he noticed that Wife often acted like a little kid, preferred to be taken care of, threw tantrums… basically he was pointing out that yes.... Wife acts like a child.

So, Wife and I began talking about her therapy. She instantly brought it around to her job. Her job. Again. When I lost it, she got defensive. I told her that she’s been externalizing her entire life and that sooner or later she’s going to need to wok on herself, her own insides, because blaming anything and everything else isn’t going to help her and it is going to keep her problems going and getting worse.

She incredulously stated, “So you think all I do in Therapy is talk about my job?” I laid it out. My exact words: “Yeah. I think all you talked about from October to March was how much you hated Wal Mart and wanted out and how it was responsible for all of your misery. And then I think, when you got the new job… it was responsible for all of your misery. So yes, I think that all you’ve discussed in therapy is how other things cause you to feel and you haven’t dealt with any of the things you are actually responsible for.”

Funny thing is? She didn’t disagree. Instead… she said, “Well shouldn’t I be? I can’t work on me if I have no base or equilibrium. So I need to work through that first.”

Eye roll from me. I’m sorry… maybe she’s right but… forgive me for thinking we’ve been down this road several fucking times.

I told her, “The world has no basis, no pause for everyone to get comfy. If you’re waiting on work to go easy on you so you can sort your shit, you’re going to wait a long ass time. You need to find a way to deal with your stuff. Because sooner or later there are going to be consequences.”

She responded that, she is trying; it may take time… but until then I just have to learn to live with it. I said it is a sucky way to live when you feel like an afterthought.

Then she started crying.

Great. Good to know where we are in all of this.