um. so.........my sister. in 2017. got it.

here’s something i don’t think we’ve heard about in awhile few months at least. my sister. well the last time [well ok not the last time we got together] was in feb. for her birthday dinner. so well on um fri. oh i guess that would’ve been yesterday we all she, my mom & i went out to lunch at micci’s. oh but it was cut short.
um but no. anyway. being around my sister is a lot of pressure for me. cause i’m afraid she will understand. i can’t show i’m uncomfortable or else she’ll say something........ask.........bring it up in some way. i think it’s more anxiety then her personally. and fuk anxiety. i keep her more at a distance then i do most people. so honestly. i’m glad the lunch was cut short. just bc. for the simple fact that. i don’t really want to go to lunch w/ her. so much pressure to keep her at a distance. omygod. she’s so damn attentive like physically and it drives me crazy. like please for the love of god stop. really people are fine they don’t need to be attended to like they’re 2. i personally don’t enjoy that. i’m so uncomfortable........w/........that. she’s more sympathetic then i am. i don’t really like, caring about people which is why i don’t..........go that deep. i’m compassionate but. yeah. [well i’m not horrible.].
or like. my sister will ask me/my mom about my personal habits. like that phone call i mentioned earlier. but when it’s my sister, my um dad & i she won’t do that. [well i should hope not. there are just some things i probably wouldn’t talk about w/ a guy, friend or relative. regardless.].
but. going to one of my mom’s shows w/ my sister. that i’m ok w/. cause we’re seeing my mom. and her choir. not ‘ok well my sister & i are going to lunch and she’s might going to bring up my personal habits and well. that’s just awkward and uncomfortable for me’. so. not really planning/wanting to do that.
also. i’m not looking to impress most people. if i don’t like people........ [i like humanity just not people] then why would i want them to want to be around me? don’t they think that’s maybe the point? if my sister doesn’t like. the fact that my um well hygiene, isn’t great [ok but it’s better then it used to be] well. that’s not really my problem........a whole lot. that may be a problem for her but it’s not that much for me. like ok? and? it’s not her life.
i guess. i don’t know more of the same. really.