Wednesday and TMI in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

I don’t know what is going on but my sleep issues are starting to really annoy me. I can’t get to sleep… it takes me hours and hours and hours and hours to get there. But then… I stay asleep. Despite alarms and best intentions. Take last night for example. I went to bed with Wife until she fell asleep. Then I grabbed my blankets and headed to the Guest Room (due to snoring complaints… she wants me in bed with her to fall asleep but she doesn’t want my snoring around). So I grabbed my stuff and headed to the Guest Room. And couldn’t fall asleep for two hours. I felt hungry, made a sandwich, went back to bed. Struggled for another two hours. It didn’t help that for some reason the winds last night sounded like pissed off Divine Spirits arguing at one another; whipping past my window with a loud fury. Finally, had an epic wank session where it felt like my eyes rolled back into my head and zonked out knowing that my alarm would be going off in about 3 hours. Well… I never head that alarm go off. And instead slept for 7 hours. Meaning my morning was pretty much all but gone.

In my sleep I dreamt. Not a complicated dream, but a specific one. I was back in college… the scenarios changed but I was always back in college… I was always in a hurry… I was always traveling TO somewhere Nd then I became detained. Usually due to snow, ice, and my car being hit by another vehicle. When the car would hit me, my car would become incapacitated and the other car would drive off. The reporting officer would ask for ID, Student ID, Student Badge, License and Registration. The problem was… my Student ID and my ID did not have the same pictures. Worse still, for a class, I had pasted other pictures to my ID, Student ID, and Student Badge. So I had to work to remove the various “not current photos” to prevent my arrest. That was the dream(s). Then I woke up, lol.

So I looked over my Honey Do List while prepping my Gym Bag. In theory… easy stuff. In theory. However, navigating the Health Care Market Place still chaps my biscuits. (One of the things I adore about writing… I could never get away with that phrase in person… couldn’t pull it off.) So, even if Wife isn’t too pleased with the concept… I’m going to go ahead and call that 29 year old who helped us. I call her that because she and I were joking at our last meeting as we were doing the Ages thing. Wife turns 38 this year and is already nervous as hell about turning 40. The agent says she turns 30 this year and feels like she’s turning 40 as her life has become bed by 9 and family time on weekends. I didn’t tell her this but… that means she’s already more of an adult than Wife. Wife should be in bed by at least 10:00 to get enough sleep to wake up at 6. But like every toddler I know; fusses, fights, and complains about bedtime almost every night. Anyway, I called her… set up a meeting. So this should get taken care of this week.

Then I did some more “I left my firm” work. Did math, made calls, figured that of the $3318 the State still owes me, they have paid me $894. So… something to keep an eye on and communicate with my old firm. They still owe me a check… and after the State pays up on their debt, if I haven’t received that check… I’ll make it my mission to start harassing my old bosses. Because even if it isn’t a large check… it is still money owed to me. No matter how badly they may try to claim it as “restitution after auditing my hours.”

After THAT… I called 2nd Wind Fitness. We’ve hauled this elliptical machine around since Nebraska because Wife assured me that she would use it and thus never need to worry about going to a gym. Except… she hasn’t used it since Nebraska. Now Wife wants us to move. Again. Because apparently Nebraska to Tiny Town 2016, Tiny Town to DM 2017… she wants to do another move for 2018. Why? Because our 3 bedroom apartment will cost us around 12 to 1400 per month and she is absolutely freaking out about costs. So she has finally greenlit getting rid of the elliptical machine. Because (moving or no) I refuse to move that object again as it hasn’t been used and if we could find a two bedroom unit with almost identical floor space… we could do that if we didn’t have that bitch of a machine in our way. Anyway… they won’t take the machine. AND… even though where we currently live isn’t exactly ideal and wonderful… I don’t want to move. I’ve told Wife this. I’ve said it very clearly. I do not want to move, I would like to stay here. I don’t want to move 3 times in 3 years. She… has kind of heard me? Instead of demanding we move, she has retreated to her fall back position of “Let’s at least do some pricing. If we can find equal square foot for less, we’ll move.” UGH. I suppose I’ll consider that a compromise for now?

THEN TO THE GYM! With a quick stop over at the Bank to deposit money first..... except for not. Despite it being on my list… the bank run is for Wife’s paychecks… and she hasn’t signed them. So… TO THE GYM! To the gym… in a flurry. Snow and light hail coming down the whole drive there and back. Bloody weather!

At the gym, despite my best efforts, my mind wandered back into the Time Travel Solution paradox. I know the specific moments in my life that I would desire to be transported to and/or left were Time Travel an option. I am, of course, speaking in terms of Time Travel as seen in Stein;s Gate not Time Travel as seen in Back to the Future. Being current me acting in the past in an effort to better my own existence is fraught with too many perils and problems. No, the most effective form of Time Travel would be sending your present thoughts, like data, into your past mind… in other words, quite honestly doing the “if you knew everything you know now back then, how would things be different?” I spend too much time in those thoughts. But it did inspire me to rethink what I wrote last night. I’ll have to file an entry with corrections and further explanations.

Then back home. Wife made it home before me by 12 minutes. However… in those 12 minutes? She walked in, grabbed a bag of snacks, turned on the TV, and started a nature documentary. Which… can be an issue. You see… I walked in and wanted to have some form of communication with my wife who I had not seen all day. I wanted to tell her about the errands, the things I needed her to do to make it possible to do the errands, I wanted to talk about my day… her day… I wanted to see how therapy went. But… there’s a nature documentary on… so like a 3 year old obsessed with screen time… she goes instant zombie and becomes quite annoyed at any interruptions. She’s typically rough when it comes to communication but anything involving True Life Medical or Nature… she is a toddler zombie. Like… she sat there and watched 45 minutes of the documentary still wearing her coat with her purse hanging off of her.

Of course, as soon as I intervened and broke her trance… in starts the “anxiety projecting and yelling.” She is so entirely obsessively freaked out about money because I don’t currently have a job. Remember… we have six figures in the bank… and I appreciate that she doesn’t want to become destitute… but we’re not hurting. But… what money topics did she yell about? (1) McAfee internet security annual subscription. (2) Microsoft Office 360 annual subscription. (3) Mid-American Energy Bill. So… I’m worried, actually. I used to get paid once per month, at the end of the month. So we technically have not had a single “missed pay period” yet. We’re still living as we would have were I working. Considering that… I’m genuinely terrified of how freaked out and anxious she’ll get in a few months time if I don’t have a job still!! But that isn’t unfamiliar. When I was working part-time immediately following Law School? She was the same and worse. She was absolutely freaking out about us going broke and absolutely freaking out about not being able to leave Wal Mart.

That has been my day. I will write an additional entry later tonight. I didn’t lie or say anything untrue in my last entry but… I do feel the need to clarify or elaborate on a few things. Until then, my loves!

Last updated April 19, 2018