Tuesday and Spinning Wheels in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

According to my weather ap, it is just (slightly) above freezing outside today. So it makes perfect sense why I am so so bloody cold. HOWever… if anybody asks… I’m saying that I’m sick. Because it could certainly be accurate. And feeling this cold could certainly mean that I am coming down with something. It would not surprise me. Especially as I do often get sick in the “spring” and… the actual time for spring is running out even if we don’t get any actual spring weather.

And since I’m cold and not feeling well, I’ll skip the gym so as not to exacerbate my condition if I am getting sick. But (apparently) that could be a risky move. Wife “analyzed” my gym usage last night. I have been out of work since the month started. I have been to the gym 5 times in that time. Twice the first week of April, 3 times in the second week of April, and the third week of April just started. According to Wife, that doesn’t “seem to be enough to justify the expenditure.” I mean… I get that she is worried about money since there is no way to know for sure how long I’ll be out of work… I get that and I understand it. But it is a bit early to start hacking away at my things to save money. Especially when the hack is the gym… an important part of the reason I decided to go ahead and quit my toxic job. Besides… 5 times in 15 days isn’t even that bad for a return to working out after such a long hiatus.

But then, not surprisingly, I’m upset with Wife for another issue as well. :/ Y’know how yesterday, I had to wake her up so she could get to work on time because she had forgotten to set an alarm? Well, last night before we went to sleep… I specifically asked her to return the favor this morning. I asked her to wake me up before she left for work so that I could make sure to get things done today. She was ignoring the world and playing a cell phone game when I asked her, so I got her attention and asked her again to make sure that she knew I was asking her to do this. She did not. How do I know she did not, as opposed to her waking me and me going back to sleep and forgetting? Excellent question. Using the clues around the apartment I can surmise precisely what happened. When I woke up in bed, I could see that many of the blankets had been removed from the bed as had Wife’s pillow. All doors leading to the bedroom had been shut tightly. Therefore, at some point in the night… Wife woke up and could not get back to sleep because of my snoring. She decided to leave the bedroom in order to get more sleep. To make sure my snoring did not follow her to a different room, she shut all of the doors in an attempt to seal my snoring in. IF she had returned to the bedroom to wake me up; those doors would no longer be shut.

So I’ve got that. Plus… I’m certain I’ll get a bloody earful tonight about my snoring. Though, if I am actually sick… expect to see a lot more entries in my Explicit Content book. As I’ve mentioned before, I tend to get increasingly more randy when I’m ill.

I guess the only other thing I’ve got to say right now is........ I do still intend on writing a letter to Wife’s therapist and having Wife read it first. Just a “here’s how long shit has been like this. These are the issues that constantly get in the way. Just want to make sure you’re hearing everything.” But then… I’m also going to write Wife a specific letter as well. Lay things out specifically about our sex lives. Like… “Wife… here is a fantasy about us going on a date, here is another fantasy about us going on a date, here is what would be great. Here is what it is actually like. Do you see a difference? If you do not see a difference, this is an issue. If you believe that you are incapable of doing date/romantic or passionate sex… I need to know. If your answer is “you can do that but” I don’t care if it is “but not until you get a job” or “not until you lose weight” or whatever.... if doing a date and quality sex with your husband has to be connected to conditional follow up requirements… that is something I need to know immediately. Because… yeah. We’ve been doing this marriage thing for 7 years. We’ve been doing this “in each other’s lives” thing since I turned 21. It is long past time to figure some shit out.