Saturday Additional in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Well, so that happened.

The game was called three hours early because some of our members were at a Con until late. I kind of wished I had known, I might have otherwise cancelled my appearance. Driving to a different city to do less than two hours of something only to have it cancelled isn’t great. Though, I do have to admit… it is important. The group includes some dear friends. Some douche canoes but some dear friends. And checking in is important. One of my closest female friends who almost exclusively did long-distance dating? Her boyfriend is moving HERE. She is going to have a for real every day boyfriend (finally, at the age of 27). So it was good checking in with her, gauging how she feels about the whole thing. Another friend? I’ve known him for almost ten years. He’s a good guy. Terribly overweight. Terribly afflicted with suicidal ideation. So… spending time with him is always time well spent. I couldn’t bear it if another friend of mine killed themselves. It has been over a decade but… wondering if you could have done something more never quite leaves you.

So… I’m back home. I have another 6 PB entries to read (not that it is a chore… just that I find it worth noting that I can get through 4 pages of backlog and in less than 5 hours have 6 more entries. Friends as vociferous as I am. Though I’ll admit I’m not sure if I used that word correctly. I’m on my 7th drink out of 10. After I read these entries, I may write. I may. I really would like to get “Unorthodox Therapy” finished. That bitch has been sitting in my fucking drafts folder since 2015 and at this point… it is more of a challenge than a labor of love. More a “This was a passion project before years worth of bullshit got in the way. I’m going to finish you because I deserve an ending, dammit.”

Sometimes… I really do wish I was different. Hanging out with my friends, I fall so quickly back into Comedian Chris. And why do comedians seek therapy at double the rate of non-comedians? Because a comedian’s pain is their material. Whatever is most painful for me, I flip inside out… I show the world, and I encourage them to laugh. The topic of Blowjob Eyes came up in our game… don’t ask, somewhat of an inside joke. But I was able to make the whole room laugh with my material! My material that, if analyzed more closely, shows that I am in a sexless marriage and the last time I received a blow job was from someone who was NOT the person that is my wife. And that is the humor track, the laugh track. Anytime normal, semi-adjusted people start talking about sex and romance, I’m the funny guy… the punchline. It is an old hat to wear by this point but a hat that matches the outfit. Because almost every friend I have has only known me as Wife’s partner/spouse. So… no sex, no romance, tension? That’s the norm. “Wife going to hit you?” is a joke, not a concern. “Last time that part of me got attention, Reagan was in office” is a knee slapper. And I do it myself. Display the pain in a funny way so at least you are being open without hurting anyone but yourself. But the other side of it? I do want someone to make me feel attractive. I do want to feel like I can be romantic without the object of that romanticism calling it “cheesy and unwelcome.” In some ways… I’m still that boy in High School. The one that was sexual but wasn’t willing to “go all the way.” I’m the guy that wants to be wanted but can’t do much about it if it happens. The more things change… the more they stay the same.

Oh well.
If I don’t have a story posted in my Explicit or Creative books by the end of the night, just assume I wound up playing Skyrim or Mario instead.