Bad Day I Guess in My Fucking Feelings

It’s one of those days where I’m wondering if I have any real friends left, any close ones. My besties seem to have alienated me. Almost every old reliable friend I’ve ever had seems distant. Not that I make a huge effort to contact anyone anymore, but it’s funny to me that when I stop trying to talk to people, nobody really contacts me. I could simply disappear and who would notice? Move away.

I’m sure I’m just sad today. I’m procrastinating everything that needs to be done. I’m making excuses that I simply need to wait till my son is asleep so I can focus on homework. What about dishes? Well if I had counter space… after I finish the kitchen I will. But of course I’m also making excuses for why I can’t do that. I should be at least doing laundry and cleaning up the back room, but it just seems like so much effort. Supposed to start a new workout plan today, but I’m just not motivated.

I wish I had a sweetheart to cuddle up with.

As if my luck hasn’t gone bad enough, socially speaking, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend has the same therapist as me. She didn’t even tell me she was in therapy but when I ran into her in the parking lot my therapist told me. Pretty sure she’s not aloud to do that. I wonder what other confidences she may be breaking. Meanwhile my ex has left another bad relationship and is recovering from drugs…again. My therapist almost seems as if she’s pushing me to get back together with her. And I go to church with my ex’s dad so of course he was thrilled for the two of us to reunite. I’m so frustrated with this situation.

Maybe I should get myself another fake boyfriend. My last fake boyfriend is still available. But of course he still wants to be more. Wouldn’t be right to dangle it in front of him without actually making it real. One of my friends that I’ve known forever asked me out and I had to let him down easy. Meanwhile all sorts of sleazy and broken men are trying for it. I’m just sick of it. I don’t have time to win a man that’s actually worth the time. I just fucking give up for now.

That’s it! When my son goes to bed I’m going to stay up and be productive if it kills me. I need to make myself feel as if I’m accomplishing something and the only one that can do it is me!

Last updated April 08, 2018