Friday and a Vampire in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

No, not really a vampire. I’m just borrowing the naming convention used for episodes of Rosario Vampire.

Today I slept then went to the gym. Oh boy. I approached the ARC Trainer and thought “In law school, you were doing around 45 minutes per period. 20 minutes should be no big deal.” I was wrong. After 10 minutes, I had to get off. Then I did several rounds on the machines. It was not like it used to be. I mean, I didn’t expect to be High School Butterfly Swimmer Extraordinaire kind of shape but… I thought I would have at least retained some “Law School Bar preparation” physique. Apparently the last two years have been unkind. But… I should have expected that. Even thinking about it reminded me of an early issue with my bosses at Old Chinese Firm. A few weeks into starting, 5:00 hit and there was no more active work to be done. So I asked my bosses if there was anything they needed me to look into before I left. They said no, and I made the mistake of saying, “Awesome. I can get a work out in.” The next day they had one of their infamous “sit downs” with me to explain why that attitude was inexcusable and unacceptable. Apparently, if I had time or energy to workout I was neglecting my duties at the firm. It was then that I realized… no matter when Bosses arrive or leave… if I left before any member of the Chinese Staff, I was considered a bad employee. No matter what the substance of my work was.

But it was an interesting inner monologue at the gym. Surrounding me were ripped dudes and beautiful women. I felt like a flake, like a poseur for being there. But I realized (and kept telling myself) that today was really Day 1 of working out for me in a long while. I’m not going to look good for a while because I’m new. I just need to make sure I go on a consistent basis. THAT should be my current focus. Though… I also have to admit… I’m already worried about not achieving my goals. Largely due to ignorance. I mean… yeah, there may not seem like more than “Do runny bits. Then do weighty bits. Good. Finished.” But I could not be more serious about wanting to lose weight. Yes, I know that means that Wife got in my head way too well. I should have confidence and self-esteem no matter what weight I am and 34% body fat is at least better than 40%. But… what can I say? Most of our marriage, Wife has said I was fat. Most of our marriage, Wife hasn’t exactly been open to physical interaction with me. Most of our marriage, I haven’t exactly gotten a great deal of positive reinforcement on my appearance. So… it sunk in. And now I want to get back to a healthy body fat percentage and hopefully look good again. I know that I won’t be able to convince my wife to let me sign up for personal training as the grand total of that could be in the thousands of dollars. But hopefully, she’ll be okay if I get the $250 routine. Just something to get me started, teach me what I need to do, and then I can push myself and motivate myself from there. Fingers crossed. Because… whether I get a new job this month or whether I get a new job in October… I do want to get healthy, lose weight, and go back to feeling good in my own skin. (Full Disclaimer: The part of me that is always playing with innuendo thought “and feel good in someone else’s skin, too” but my rational side kicked in and said, “Creepy, dude. Way too creepy. Not sexy innuendo, there. Wild Bill innuendo. Get that shit under wraps.”

Then it was time for some computer work.
First, I got to apply to an attorney job. I “get to” apply to this job because it would not require us to move and is, in fact, an 8 minute drive from our apartment. Or if we wanted to buy a home there are houses nearer there that range anywhere from $346k to 1.4 million. Obviously, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to buy a 1.4 million dollar house. IF I got the job (big if) and IF Wife kept her job (big if) our annual pre-tax would be between $81,798 and $126,588. At that, a half million would be a bit out of reach.

Anyway, as I was applying to a job relating to the Federal Administration of the ALJ, it was far more complicated than any application I’ve had to do before. I just hope that the things I have on it are acceptable. They required proof of Bar Membership and proof of Law Degree. I’m hoping that my Bar Membership Number and my two years of Attorney Work will suffice. Then of course, pages upon pages upon pages of redundant bullcrap. I sometimes miss the days of physical paper applications where you would give them the information and that would be it. Now you have on-line; where you fill out the information over and over and over again… all for most of it to not even be a factor of if you get the job… just an attempt to weed out the people who lack the patience to do the tedious repetitious application process. I don’t have high hopes of getting this job but then… I’m okay with that.

Then a friend of mine sent me some articles to read that could be helpful and… who am I to say no to reading. After that, I tried again to find recipes that were healthy. My biggest issue with recipe finding is that every recipe in every book has an entire page long ingredients list. If I need to purchase 28 different items to then cook for 3 hours in order to have a healthy meal… well… that is going to be an issue. Give me less than 10 items. THAT I can do no problem. But when you tell me that I need to add sage to sumac than stir in lilac extract and set aside to focus on mixing eggs into milk, water, and a combination of diced onions, minced garlic, sliced zucchini, and chopped squash… already I’m like “Stop. Stop it.” This is what happens when my brother buys us cook books. We have a small apartment kitchen and little time or opportunity to go to a gourmet food store to drop $30 on spices. No. Not happening. If it takes more than 2 hours to cook or more than $30 to prepare… we’re just not “at that point” in life right now. But of course… reading about recipes and trying to get that sorted made me hungry. SO… I had a lunch of 250 calories. And responded to my therapist on-line. OH… speaking of… she has suggested something which she may not realize could become a thing. She sent me something about Narrative Therapy where I write my past/present/future. For those who have read me for a while… you know how… insanely long-winded I can be about that. lol. I may have to warn her.

Then I read some Prosebox, Noted, and… realized I’d used my energy for the day. I was surprised by that! So… looks unlikely I’ll get to the erotica today.... but I will go grocery shopping this evening. The sacrifices we make, eh? lol