Wednesday and Frozen in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

The midwest has received an additional stipend of winter, it seems. I don’t mind so much if it is snow in April or “a bit wintry” but this is full on Additional Winter. Like… yeah, I remember Aprils and even Mays where the temperature fell down to 28 or so. Below freezing, certainly. Today? I’m going to the gym and it is 16 degrees. Why is this such a big deal? Because (like an idiot) I haven’t secured a lock for my locker yet. So I’m going to the gym already in my workout gear. So… 16 degree weather, me in my navy blue shorts. If I wasn’t likely to get sick before I certainly will now!

The time at the gym was less productive than I would have wanted it to be but exactly as productive as it was going to be. It was mostly the Personal Trainer taking me around and helping me build a plan going forward. This was the “free session” that comes to all members and that means there isn’t a lot of “actual working out” but more tests, assessments, and planning. Don’t get me wrong, I learned a lot of important stuff. Like that I have 34% body fat. :( That is 14% more than I’m okay with and 20% more than I want. Obviously, intake is going to be important. But now I can be VASTLY more in control of that.

I think my plan will be as follows:
Step One: Buy a lock
Step Two: Find a class offered for free at Gym to join
Step Three: Select 12 recipes that are healthy
Step Four: Learn those 12 recipes and become skilled at preparing them
Step Five: Join the class at the gym
Step Six: Go to the gym every day. MWF focus on Cardio, Weights, and Stretch. TTH focus on swimming and getting your distance stamina and sprint conditioning back. You may not be in competition now, but with Brother’s constant Masters Class pushes, you may be sooner than you think.

FITNESS GOAL, LONG TERM: Drop 60 pounds and 17% body fat. Run a sub 8 minute mile. Swim at least 5,000 yards a week.
FITNESS GOAL, MEDIUM TERM: Drop 30 pounds and 10% body fat. Run a consistent mile. Swim at least 2500 yards a week.

My “immediate” fitness goal? This/these are the goals I want to hit by the end of April, or I’ll demand that Wife let me pay for the personal trainer.
(1) Drop ten to fifteen pounds. Go to the gym daily.

In truth… go back to the photos I posted of me the other day… I am always comparing that version of me with the three following versions:
College
College
Law School

I know I can’t just go back to how I looked 13 years ago or even 6 years ago but I do want to try. I want to try to create a version of myself that I am able to see as attractive.

The rest of my day? Well, this is one of those days my therapist would say, “I shouldn’t be harsh with myself for taking it easy.” In fact, she encouraged me to spend my first week off of work doing just that. Not trying to wrap myself in a bunch of different activities or directions. I’ve mostly been doing that. I finished Batman: The Enemy Within. It was… different. My choices affected the outcome… and my choices turned The Joker into death dealing murder-vigilante. In other words… I made him an insane Red Hood in many ways. I’m going to have to play the whole game through again… seeing what happens if I just leave well enough alone and have the Joker become the insane Clown Prince of Crime he’s meant to be.

I took a nap today and it felt great. Then I got a phone call from Wife that I should have expected.

Today she had her therapy. Which causes her to lose her shit even more. In other words… she wants to quit her job, she doesn’t know what she wants in life, she doesn’t know how to feel. Basically, her therapy right now is showing her that no matter what choice she makes, she will be unhappy. And that’s as far as therapy goes. As opposed to using that as a big ol’ neon sign that says “The job isn’t the problem, there is something wrong with Wife internally.” So… I don’t know. Another night of Wife crying and feeling like her world is ending and wanting to quit her job. I specifically told her tonight that she needs to take charge of her life and her sessions. Stop focusing on the job as she has been job focused for over a decade. Start focusing on the deeper issues that have been controlling her life and have threatened to ruin every aspect of it. So she is zombie-watching TV instead.

Honestly… if we’re just going to keep circling, this is going to be exhausting. More so. Because only she can take the steps to get better. And if she doesn’t want to take those steps? She’s going to see a lot of other challenges in her life.