Mooches and liars. in Since OD is shutting down....

It seems like that’s all this town has to offer and I’m sick of it. So my old roommate has been around quite a bit lately and he’s still the same person he was 2 years ago. Very pushy, rude, and downright nervy. So the other day he followed me to daycare which bothered me as I don’t want anyone really knowing where it is for my own reasons. Well the next thing I know, I’m at work and the daycare lady messages me saying there’s someone there to pick her up and it was him. I said yeah, it’s fine and then I remember after the fact that he didn’t have a bottle or diapers for her. So, he comes to my work and asks for my house keys. Um, ya could have fucking left her at daycare dipshit!

I have since messaged her saying NO ONE is to pick up my daughter unless I know first and then I will tell her. Come to find out, he had told her I knew he was coming for her when he knew damn well he never bothered to say anything about going to get her early! There’s also been a few other issues with this person and I have since blocked him and hopefully he’ll take the hint and fucking not come around again. He’s showed up pounding on my windows and waking my child up from her nap and when we go out to eat, he makes sure that I pay for him so yeah..nothing’s changed.

Work is going fine, I’m off tomorrow and Thursday because I don’t have a sitter. I have asked a couple of people and they of course say they will but I know they’ll back out and if I’m supposed to work and end up not being able to be there, I’ll get wrote up so I just requested the day off to avoid that. I’d rather not lose money not working, but I don’t want to leave her with people I don’t trust anyway.

I haven’t had contact with her Dad for about 6 weeks now and my friend THANKFULLY has blocked him so there’s been no drama now for about 3 weeks. His Mom is just as fucking crazy and I don’t plan to EVER reach out to any of them ever again. There’s no such thing as having a rational, civil conversation with any of them and I’m done being mentally and emotionally abused. I’ve been called fat, ugly, a whore, a liar etc etc by all of them and I refuse to allow it any further. If he wants to see her, he can take me to court or mediation but I have to get on with my own life now. My child is almost 9 months old and we are no closer to figuring something out NOW than when I was pregnant.

Come to find out, I received his income tax and I’m sure he’s fucking livid. He was behind quite a bit and they gave it to me. I don’t feel bad because it’s money that my child is entitled to and whatever I get from him, I spend it directly on her. I was going to buy her a crib and a new car seat anyway and with getting money from him, I went ahead and ordered all of it. I’m honestly grateful for what money I get from him because having kids is expensive and if money is the only thing he’s going to contribute then it’s much appreciated.

Ever since the contact with him and his family has stopped, I’m a lot happier and don’t feel so down and anxious anymore. I am able to eat healthier and don’t smoke as much. I allowed way more than any woman would have and now, It’s more than clear that we will never be able to co-parent and I will never be able to establish a civil relationship with his Mom and Lord knows I tried harder than ever.

I haven’t heard from my own Mother in 3 months now. I hope they are doing alright and everything but I’m better off not having to pay them to have a relationship with my child. I haven’t heard from my brother since we had his daughter’s b-day party about a month ago, probably because he doesn’t want to watch my kid if he wants me to watch his. Bullshit yes, but I don’t expect anything less.

Today it’s snowed quite a bit so I’ve spent some time clearing more stuff out of her room and threw a shit ton of stuff away. I got laundry done and now I’m just relaxing while she naps. I’m off tomorrow but still have to take her to daycare because I have a dentist appointment but I’m probably going to pick her up early. I don’t like being away from her more than I have to because I enjoy being a Mom.

Setting boundaries has become a lot easier since I’ve had a baby. I just see how much I’m on my own and how no one is there for me so when I’m asked to help others, I have no problem saying no. I know that NO ONE can be there as much as I would need, but I can’t rely on anyone here so it’s really changed the way I look at relationships. I have a co-worker that always talks about how much we need to hang out and she misses my daughter but anytime I’ve said I’m off on certain days, I don’t hear back from her. She’s the one that’s always talked about watching my kid overnight and blah blah blah but hasn’t ever watched her. I seriously got super annoyed and finally blocked her off Snapchat and Facebook. I don’t expect anyone to ever help me, but when they talk about how much they miss you and want to see your kid but make absolutely no effort to do so then they can fuck off.

I’ve bought my daughter a lot of clothes lately and I’m excited for her to get her new bed and car seat. She’s really observant now too and loves to play with toys. She’s sitting up on her own and isn’t crawling, but can still get around like nobody’s business. I’m sad that she’s not my little baby anymore although watching her grow and learn new things is a really fun, exciting time too. It saddens me that no one related to her is around to see her become her own person but that’s their loss. I know I did what I could. I made myself emotionally and financially bankrupt for everyone to be a part of her life and it still ended up like it did.

I don’t talk to anyone outside of my best friend. Other than my old roommate coming around, I have no contact with anyone outside of the people I work with and that’s when I’m working. It’s so much easier to just have my routine and do my own thing. I’ve found that it’s just too expensive trying to have friends and I’m not willing to go broke for anyone. I have plenty of bills and don’t want to spend money on anyone other than my baby. I’m not going to let people dump on me like they did. I’m not a security blanket and won’t help people anymore. Fuck that. When helping others has hurt me than I’ve had to learn to say no. I have to make good choices for my child and I intend to do just that. She’s more important than anyone.