Getting into me in Soul Journey

I often get people saying, you always seem to be on top. And I guess I am. I have one or two little ole, philosophies, that have held me in good stead. . The first is I am totally a Hedonist. an I am Pleasure People Seeker. I choose where I can, to associate with pleasure seekers, rather than complainers and moaners. Sometimes this is not easy. And, I go after the things, that bring me pleasure. Cause pleasure aint ever going to come knockin' on my front door. It never has up to now, so I go out and find it. I like to discover, things that give me delight and joy, and I nuture these things.

I adore putting my thoughts down, and reading the experiences of other lives. I have currently re-discovered the Pre-Raphelite movement of painters, and am reading everything I can on the subject. Its my experience that pleasure is a feeling inside of yourself and when you know how, to create this feeling you can repeat the experience over and over again.

Like, for instance, not just listening to music, but really getting into the musicianship of the artist you are listening to. I learned this from a muso, who taught me how listen to the harmonics and melody lines from different instruments. It opened up music in a way, I never dreamed of. and gave me a new appreaciation, especially of the classics.

All in all, I expect my life to be pleasurable and so it is. The secret is actively seek what brings you pleasure and you will find it.

And Philosphy No.2. Accept Thyself. BIGTIME

For years I ran around like a chook with its head cut off. Ive got to lose weight. Ive got to be a great wife, the best mother. Make more money. Get a bettter job. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

And then, I said to my deluded brain, I will be better person, and I will learn to like myself more, and I will be happy. STOP, HOLD THE PHONE, NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE GONNA HAPPEN.

Because I was allowing myself to think, that all these things were somehow going happen one day, in some perfect timeframe. At some future date. Waiting Waiting Waiting.... Well they never did arrive. Until one day, and I know how trite this sounds, but I'm telling the truth here. I literally looked in the mirror, I mean I really looked at the woman, staring back at me. And I thought, you are worth working on girl. And so instead of telling myself you need to lose a 17 or so pounds. I said to my reflection. Do you know that your unique, that there is not one other soul on the planet like you.

Oh yes talk to myself...I went on to say. That you are an amazing friend to have. You really do care about what happens to people. You laugh with them and cry with them. And you are very giving. In fact I would like me for a friend.

So I think I am fabulous. I can cook the best meal you've ever tasted. I can be the hotess with the mostess, if need be. Im funny, talented, I can sing to you and with you. I can laugh with you or cry if need so. I can be a shoulder for you to lean on and I rely on hope to get me through the darkest night.

ThenI finished with the affirmation. I love you.

So Im unique, freindly, fabulous and loved. This was a pretty, good work module to start with. And work at it I did. No, it didn't come easy. Like every other worthwile thing, it demanded discipline.

So,I made a practice of it over and over, day, after day. And I eventually started to believe my own propaganda. So that now I am my own best friend. I have my birth-right back again. My self esteem, in tact. After years of it being wrapped in rags of insecurity, self pity, and believing lies, about my self. In fact I'm pretty terrific. And sometimes I am the only one that recognizes the fact. But at least I do, recognize it. My life has been a fantastic journey and I am not at my destination yet. Just enjoying the scenery along the way.