emily. directness. finances. in 2017. got it.

So prior to me telling them about the cops thing Emily asks something about ‘the field’. and at first i’m picturing a prairie. and then i’m picturing a dr. in a white lab coat actually in a field. what the fuk was she talking about? you mean the lawn? on which i’d been sitting during the time or prior to that the cops thing happened? [yes. she meant the lawn.].
One thing i don’t like. and there are a lot of things. is when people aren’t direct. so she wasted a whole 5 mins. of my damn time going over uh. that ‘maybe you could........’ call the lady when i get out and i’m tired, or somethign. um a i’ve never done that and 2 sorry but i’m not weak. and to me that’s not a ‘good enough’ reason. and there are a few reasons someone can be tired and actually. there are about 4 different kinds of tiredness. There’s mental, physical i think maybe emotional.........some other one. yeah like i’m really gonna do that. ok. funny though. and then she’s ‘you don’t want to be tired do you?’ well maybe you don’t. [ok so. i. i’m just so used to it that it doesn’t phase me anymore.]. only to. after that whole 5 mins. realising that ‘oh wow ok she’s got this’. yes but you know. thanks for wasting my time.
yeah i remember in i think it was Amsterdam probably was. well my mom & I were at this indonesian restaraunt. and the lady went ‘sit there’. not ‘can you’ or ‘will you’ or ‘right this way’ or w/e. just. ‘sit there’. and i liked that. It’s like people are all afraid to be direct in this country. no like don’t be a jerk but if you want me to do something or put something somewher e somewhere be direct about it. really it won’t bother me. and not even w/ me. but when others do it to others. like ‘maybe you should take your umbrella’. no just tell me ‘take your umbrella’. or when people use the word ‘can’t’. to me that means they’re talking about their own physical ability. i.e. polar bears can’t jump. [actually they literally physically can’t. no but that’s my point.].
so i could’ve sworn. that at one point in time the lady told me that they [the state or whoever] doesn’t take my receipts [ebt] but she does. and so. That’s why I kept giving them to her. cause I thought she was keeping track. well apparently not. which i found out at the meeting. i’m not upset it’s just did i hear wrong? or did she not ever say that? i’ll keep them that’s not an issue. but i could’ve sworn..........she at one point said that.
the. oh right the cop thing: ‘Oh apparently. Which I just found out last wk. The um cop told the lady I looked ‘exhausted’. [well I think most people would be tired after walking 6 – 8 miles.]. But. That’s not what the agreed upon plan was. I thought. The only thing he was going to tell her was that I was ok. Bc to me that was the agreed upon plan. And if someone doesn’t go w/ the agreed upon plan. Well a I don’t like surprises and um 2. I. Then I won’t be able to trust the person. But I think it’s more A.’