Is It Me? in meh...

Perhaps I am the one incapable of making connections.
Perhaps I am not as equally grounded in the reality of things as I think I am.
Perhaps I walk the line of fantastical thinking more than being on the real side.

Maybe it is me.

Him said it was me. And there was nothing wrong with me.
Just I so happen to choose “friends” that are assholes.

I’m giving more weight to this than I should.
I can almost certainly guarantee they aren’t thinking of me.

Well. Jay did reach out, but ignored him. My being upset with him is a byproduct of my initial hurt that no one seems to get.

It’s not my fault that my transmission went out on my van. I’ve been trying my best to get to a point where I can buy a car and I am failing. No one wants to hang out because I’d have to be picked up and taken home is practically the same as saying because you don’t have a car, I’m not fucking with you. You don’t invite me out to something I would enjoy, but you invite people who can meet you there. Or, you invite me and if I get there under my own steam, the end of the evening turns into a game of who’s gonna take me home, how are you getting home, how did you get here, you spending the night at my house and either I’ll take you home or you ride the bus back.

This is what it feels like in my skin right now.

Then to have another, totally different person come to me and say I’m hanging out with other friends who have a car, that was a trigger. Add to the fact that if I talk to anyone to find out how they are, I’m the one who reached out. If I never reach out, then I don’t hear from them.

The last that anyone knows, I’m always watching the grandbabies. But if you don’t reach out regularly, then you wouldn’t know my latest information.

I’m just…::heavy/deep sigh::

Have a good evening folks…