4 Mondays Left in Book Five: Working Through the Maze 2018

Instead of opening up today about myself… I wanted to open up today about my wife. She had an interview this morning! She was freaking out all weekend. Like… short tempered, snappy, asking for help and then telling me why my help wasn’t good… all of it. Because this is how she gets when she is backed into a corner. She goes full animal. She hates her current job but has only ever interviewed twice before in her life. She turns 38 this year and has only ever had 2 interviews. So… her fears paint this corner for her… fear of interview and change.... fear and hatred of staying at Wal Mart. So… fingers crossed and a little prayer thrown up for her as getting out of wal mart (even if this job sucks too) would be in her best interest in several ways. I do think it is funny though. She will be 38. This is her third interview ever. I will be 34… I have likely interviewed a total of 78 times in my life. Heck, I had three interviews in just one day last December. That is one of those “differences between couples” with us. Wife is terrified of change and hangs on to things even if she should let them go. I’m (obviously) like that as well… but considerably less so. While I have trouble letting things go, I also don’t have The Fear that would stop me from abandoning something. I mean… her 2nd interview ever was Wal Mart. Imagine if you decided to stay working at the 2nd company you ever interviewed for. Me? I would be working at the Movie Theater. The one that “delayed pay” several times because they were bankrupt… then sold from Cinemark to AMC. I’d still be working there. And I never would have sold shoes (which brought me closer to my sister in law)… I never would have learned to do Fruit/Vegetable Plate Art (which got me brownie points in Law School)… I never would have met some of my current best friends (from Best Buy)… and I wouldn’t have had the experiences in Law School and beyond (whether positive or negative). So.... does the fact that I’ve had 11 jobs in 15 years have negatives? Of course. But also positives. I just hope, if there’s anyone/anything out there looking out for us… this year doesn’t destroy Wife and I. I’m leaving The Firm and I’m confident that is the right decision. But… still worried that trying to rejoin the work force in a few months will be harder than ever. Wife is interviewing for the first time in 15 years. If she gets it, I hope it helps her. If she doesn’t, I hope she doesn’t fall into despair over it.

Have you been watching the news lately? I mean… I know that the news is a great place to find terror, sadness, and panic so I wouldn’t blame you if you have been cherrypicking your news lately… but I’m specifically talking about International Sabre Rattling and Foreign Military Posturing. Just saying… if we go to war with China, even in a Cold War kind of way… could NOT be a better time for me to leave the firm that has significant and unalienable ties to the Chinese Government. Seriously.

Here’s a funny professional thing. So… those working under contracts with the State Public Defender’s Office have certain rules to follow in order to get paid under that contract. One of them is that you can’t bill more than 12 hours in one day. Can’t do it. This is for many good reasons. (1) They don’t wish to allow charlatans to bill out the ass for work they aren’t doing; (2) They don’t wish to allow non-charlatans to (for example) work 12 hours wherein several of those hours they worked (for example) 20 3-minute activities then billed the hour as 20 versions of .1. (Which, btw, is how my Firm wants me to bill); (3) They don’t want people working 16 hours a day because that is unhealthy and foolish as hell.

Well… for the second time in as many months, White Boss is back in front of the Appeals Board trying to “get the money he’s owed” because the State Auditor said that he billed a few 12 plus hour days in some cases. Which he totally did. But I also honestly believe White Boss when he says he earned those hours honestly. Which is where, in my head, I say “See Item 3.” Seriously. I get that Money and the Pursuit of Wealth is a big motivator for these guys. I get that. I also get that they are young and healthy people.... so working 15 hour days is no problem for them. I also get that they don’t need any social time or family time because they work with their spouse. They don’t need to take a break from work to spend time with a loved one. But even still… and I told this to Chinese Boss… if your goal is “Just a little more” you run the risk of that always being your goal. Because if you always want just a little more, when you finally get that, you’ll realize you actually need just a little more than that, too. That is why I am very much in favor of solid, concrete goals… granted, my solid, concrete goals are still painfully out of reach for me… but they are goals that I will know I have reached. Not nebulous goals of no real shape or substance. For example… is a financial goal “House, out of debt, starting a retirement plan” or is a financial goal “more than we have”? One is attainable, the other won’t be… because if it is YOUR goal, whatever amount you have is what you have… thus if your goal is “more than we have” you’ll always be pushing because you’ll always be chasing after more.

This sounds… bad? But… another reason I am glad now is when I took my break? Wife’s parents have been getting bad diagnosis. Her mom had to go in 3 weeks early to get a shot in her eye because her vision is fading faster than any doctor predicted. Meanwhile, my FIL has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and they have to (1) still do a genetic test to see how high Wife’s risk is… since now both her mom and dad have had breast cancer; (2) go through surgery to remove at least one breast, possibly both. So… in my “Prepare for the worst case scenario and hope for the best possible outcome” way… I am already thinking about “Would it be necessary or a good idea to move up closer to her parents in order to take care of them? I mean… not necessarily live with them, but not necessarily NOT live with them. Just… exploring opportunities in case we’re needed in a more hands on and present way.

Huh. So…Muse got married today. Justice of the Peace thing but… yeah. She was here at work this morning, she left with Chinese Boss and Dylan in the afternoon, came back to grab her coat and was married. I mean… cultural differences and justice of the peace quickness aside… I’m sitting here thinking “Uhm.... you were at work this morning. You’re going to be at work tomorrow. YOU JUST GOT MARRIED! How… why… what… what?! How can you just fit “get married” into your day planner between “Paperwork for the Boss” and “Moving the firm to a new building”? Certainly a different cultural perspective.