Sober AF in over whelmed...?

My friend Rich gave me mug last week that said “Sober AF” to congratulate me for being sober for a year. I also got a beautiful pink/black/gold chip from George who leads a meeting called Paradigm Shift, cupcakes from Sprinkles, an amethyst from my therapist and picked up a chip at the AA meeting where it all began, my rehab just outside of Austin.

I feel rather proud of myself. I also feel incredibly grateful for the love and support of all these amazing humans in my life. A year ago I said I wanted to no longer be an army of one. I feel like I have very much accomplished that. I have a crew, I have a team, I have my people. I didn’t know I had all this love to give. I also didn’t know how much crying there is, good and bad, and I did not know it was ok to cry. I had to buy new eye make up.

Just to make things more interesting I also quit smoking on my soberversay. I am very very cranky right now and have been for a week. I cohost a meeting on Tuesdays that teaches DBT skills for dealing with addictions. I am currently using all of those skills to deal with this not smoking situation. I have peers to support me in this, they will not judge me if I fail, failure as it turns out is actually an option.

I actually just came here to make sure everyone was alright, I think about you guys all the time and I miss you very much.

I was going to post my secret list of things that have changed in the last year to keep as a book marker. I keep it on my phone and add to it when something strikes me as relevant.

List Feb 2017 to Feb 2018

I started driving. And driving means freedom.

I went Rock climbing
I went white water rafting
I went horseback riding multiple times
Tried to learn how to tap dance and failed
Learned to fail

I have more honest conversations with my mother.

I can recognize the real source of my frustration/anger/sadness instead of just acting out.

I have learned to recognize when I am using humor to deflect and how to take a moment to see what I am trying to hide/ minimize

I can distinguish between feeling sad and feeling angry.

I have infinitely more follow through.

I can answer my phone.

I can make phone calls.

I have made it through my birthday, New Year’s Eve, a hurricane, a couple of vacations, the death of a dear loved one, beach outings, dinner with friends, the shell prom, without drinking.

I can got to the dentist without drugs or debilitating fear.

I engage with strangers not to be forcefully polite but out of genuine interest.

Flown internationally and domestically without drinking

Been lonely

Been bored

I have learned that I am not a unique and complex organism and that this is a good thing
I have learned to live within my current life, not sit and stall waiting for my future life

Last updated March 03, 2018