Depression in New Diary

I suffer from major depression. I think I have endured this shit all my life. I think I must have been fifteen or sixteen years old when I first went to a local mental health clinic for treatment. This was way back in 1967. I had a very hard time of it through out all of my life. I had a real bad breakdown back in 93. I woke up this morning feeling like complete shit. I will be ok. I learned to ride out the storm. But the process of riding it out is hell. I really do hate this shit.

I get like this and it seems I cannot do anything. This only makes me feel worse because I feel like a lazy no good SOB. Things start to pile up in my apartment but I just do not have the energy to get anything done. Then I start feeling overwhelmed and that only makes me feel worse. Writing this much in my stupid diary is taking an enormous amount of effort.

I learned through therapy methods that can be used to help me. I go through daily affirmations or positive self talk. I do have a lot to be thankful for. But right now it is hard to see this and those stupid affirmations and positive self talk seem ,well, stupid to me.,

Gotta go right now